


Abreaction

by SkewedReality



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, Mental Illness, OC Character Death, On Indefinite Hiatus, Self-Harm, implied past dub-con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-25 23:26:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 33,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3828799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkewedReality/pseuds/SkewedReality
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Sebastian's illness comes to light, Kurt and Blaine begin the delicate task of helping put him back together, in more ways than one.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: If you are triggered by very dark themes, I would recommend giving this story a miss.

Has there ever been a moment when everything seemed perfect? When on the surface, things were exactly as they should be. But you couldn't help the nagging feeling of inexplicable dread that panged in the pit of your stomach? A sense of foreboding seeping through the bubble of peaceful contentment?

The moment when you realized: Nothing gold can stay.

\----------------

“Seb, baby, come back to bed. It's snowing like crazy,” Blaine whines, rolling closer to Kurt for warmth. “I'm sure Burt will let you stay too. He said he didn't want either of us driving home in this storm and I don't either.” He sits up and pulls the top sheet up to cover his bare lap as he watches Sebastian move around the room, pulling his jeans on.

Sebastian turns to face his boyfriends, buttoning up his jeans before ducking down to kiss Blaine on the lips. “It's okay, beautiful,” he soothes, stroking along Blaine's cheek. “My Jeep can handle it. You stay here and keep Kurt company. Believe me, if I could stay, I would, but I can't tonight.”

“Hot date?” Kurt asks, grinning.

A devious smirk tilts Sebastian's lips. “Babe, if it's any hotter than this date, I'm pretty sure it would kill me.” He kisses Kurt quickly on the lips. “My dad wants me home tonight for some reason.” He shrugs, but a look of worry crosses his face for a moment before it relaxes again. “I'll call you as soon as I get home.”

There's nothing outstandingly unusual about the circumstance. It's just their typical Saturday night. Sebastian always has to go home. It's not new. But there's something about tonight that has Kurt on edge for a reason he can't quite pinpoint.

Things at the Smythe house have never been good, but lately, it seems that they're just getting worse, and though Sebastian won't talk about it, it's plain to see that something about him has changed recently. He's been uncharacteristically on edge, distracted, and clearly agitated. He'd never admit it, but whatever is going on at home is getting to him.

They've been dating for over a year, but it's just the past few months that have had Sebastian acting strangely. Some nights, he'll just show up in the middle of the night to climb into one of his boyfriends' beds. He'll cry himself out and just cling to the warmth of the other boy in the bed. It was rare at first, but lately, they've both taken to leaving their windows open a crack so he can sneak in more easily. It's reached the point that Burt now thinks nothing of seeing Sebastian asleep in Kurt's bed.

It's easy to push it aside and move on because when Sebastian wakes up, it's always like nothing even happened. They've talked about the possibility that Sebastian sleepwalks (sleepdrives?) and he seemed ready to accept the accusation. He explains it away as a product of too much stress at school and they move on.

Sebastian's face screws up in distress and he digs the heels of his hands into his eyes, growling in quiet frustration.

“Are you alright, Seb?” Kurt asks, suddenly concerned. He makes a move to slide out of bed but Sebastian stops him, shaking his head to clear it and forcing a smile.

“It's just a headache, babe,” he placates, faking another smile. Blaine reaches for his hand, clearly just as unwilling to let him leave. Sebastian lifts Blaine's hand to his lips and presses a kiss to his knuckles. “I love you both so much.”

He kisses both boys on the lips. “Now, I've got to go, but I swear I'll call you as soon as I get home.” He shrugs on his shirt and smiles as he darts kisses to both boys. They hear him say goodnight to Burt and Carole before the front door bangs shut.

Blaine looks at Kurt and they almost go after him.

What's the expression? Almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades?

\----------------

Kurt answers his phone on the first ring. Before he can even say hello, he hears shaking, violent, wracking sobs from the other end of the line. His skin crawls with dread and panic, and Blaine is already on his feet getting dressed when Kurt croaks out, “Seb? What's the matter?”

The sheer terror in Sebastian's voice cuts like a blade. “Help me! He--He hurt Sebastian. There's so much blood!”

Blaine tosses clothes to Kurt so Kurt dresses as he rushes, “Honey--”

“Please! He's bleeding! Kurt will help! Kurt and Blaine will make him stop!” Sebastian cries through sobs.

“Honey, you're not making any sense,” Kurt tries to soothe, his entire body trembling. Blaine presses a kiss to his forehead and takes the phone.

Sebastian's voice is shaking dangerously, hysterical and terrified. “I--I called Kurt to help me. A-And Blaine. They'll help me. They love me.” Then softer. “Please. I don't want to die.”

A small whimper of total helplessness slips past Kurt's lips and his hand flashes to cover his mouth. Blaine just gestures for him to keep moving. “Seb, baby, it's me,” he starts, calm in a way that makes Kurt fall just a little more in love with him.

“Blaine?”

There's a collective sigh of relief for the moment of lucidity. “Yeah, baby, it's Blaine.” He has the door open and is shepherding Kurt down the stairs and out the front into the frigid mid-December snow. “What do you mean you don't want to die?”

“He hurt him!” Sebastian cries, the sound echoing off the walls of a tightly enclosed space. He's hiding from someone. “I made him throw up the pills he took. Please don't let us die.”

“You made who throw up the pills?” Blaine asks, confused, worry and fear building with each passing second. He starts the car and peals out of the icy driveway, caring little about nearly taking down the Hummels' mailbox.

Sebastian's voice shakes from the other end of the line as he answers, “Sebastian.”

Kurt takes the phone into his shaking hand. “It's Kurt, baby. Where are you?”

“M-My closet,” Sebastian whines, sounding very much like a scared child. “Kurt, I love you so much.”

“I love you, too,” Kurt chokes out through panicked sobs, his eyes drifting to Blaine for comfort. Without looking away from the road, Blaine reaches over and takes Kurt's hand, squeezing it gently and Kurt takes a breath. “Stay on the phone with me. We're almost there.”

There's silence for a second before Sebastian comes back. “I'm so scared, Kurt. There's blood everywhere and I don't know why!” He's hysterical and building toward a full out panic attack. “Sebastian is hurt.”

They've made the normally forty-five minute drive in under twenty and Blaine throws the car in park at the end of the Smythes' driveway, jumping out and running full-tilt toward the front door with Kurt hot on his heels. “We're here, baby. Just hang on.”

Kurt shuts the phone and shoves it in his pocket as he follows Blaine into the house uninvited, tearing through the living room and up the stairs--the elder Smythes seem very upset with the intrusion but neither Kurt nor Blaine can find it in them to even notice.

Blaine is the first one to the closet, wrenching open the door to find Sebastian sitting inside with his knees pulled to his chest, his hands clapped over his ears as he rocks back and forth. There are rivulets of blood running down his arms, soaking into the fabric of his clothes. He looks toward the open door and blinks convulsively at the bright light. Blaine drops to the ground and pulls the terrified boy into his arms, rocking him as though he can't help it. “Shh, baby, you're okay now. We're here. The ambulance is on its way.”

Kurt is almost positive that he's in shock, but he's got enough wits to spin around the second he hears Mr. Smythe come through Sebastian's door. He raises an accusatory finger in the man's face. “Your son was up here screaming and you didn't even try to help him!”

The man rocks back on his heels. “He's a big boy he can--”

“He's sick!” Kurt screams in defense. “He doesn't know who any of us are!”

There's a scuffling sound from the closet before Blaine cries out for him. He whirls around to see Sebastian fighting against Blaine's hold, the desperation in his eyes making him look like a trapped animal, feral and terrified.

He runs over and drops down beside Sebastian, framing his face and stroking his cheek in what he can only hope is a soothing manner. “It's okay,” Kurt tries to soothe. He reaches down and takes one of Sebastian's hands. “You're okay.”

Kurt can hear sirens outside and crashing footsteps and it all seems surreal. Like a fevered nightmare.

Sebastian's eyelids droop dangerously and Kurt shakes him; his head lolls on his shoulders. “Don't, Seb. Stay awake for me.”

He lowers Sebastian back down to the floor and Blaine wraps an arm around his waist. Sebastian's eyes drag open in what looks like an Herculean effort to meet his boyfriends' eyes. “L-Love you,” he mumbles.

In the next second, his eyes roll back and he slumps against Blaine's side, unconscious.


	2. Chapter 2

“Dis what?” Blaine asks, his brow knitting in confusion. Kurt takes his hand and squeezes it in reassurance.

None of this makes sense, but Blaine has been so patient and so strong through the entire situation, and Kurt finds himself wondering where in the hell he'd be without him. There's no way he could have held himself together without Blaine reminding him to eat and sleep (such as it was) and holding him while he cries because he's just so damn confused and worried.

“Dissociative Identity Disorder,” Dr. Meraz explains calmly. Blaine doesn't look any less confused so he continues. “It's often referred to as Multiple Personality Disorder.”

Realization dawns on Blaine's face and he shrinks back into his chair, letting out a gust of breath and running a hand over his face. “That's--That's really serious, isn't it?”

“Well, it varies. Your boyfriend seems to have been living with this since he was young.”

Kurt's knee bounces as he tries to fit all the pieces together in his head. “If he's been living with this his entire life, how couldn't we tell? We've been together over a year and nothing like that has ever happened before...”

He doesn't mean to sound sharp with the doctor, but he's stretched so thin and he feels like he's going to snap at any second. Sebastian is locked away in a hospital room and he and Blaine are being told that they should have noticed symptoms?

“No, Mr. Hummel,” the man soothes. “If he didn't want you to see the symptoms, you wouldn't have seen them. From speaking with Sebastian, I believe that he's only been living with this harmful alter for a short while.”

“Alter?” Kurt wonders, the word sounding foreign to his ears after his forty-eighth hour of no sleep.

The doctor nods. “Yes. With Dissociative Identity Disorder, the person can be considered as two parts: The host and the alters. The host being Sebastian and the alters being his alternate identities. Each alternate identity has its own personality, appearance, mannerisms, and behaviors. They're essentially like different people all occupying the same body. They can be any sex, race, or sexual orientation.”

“How many do you think he has?” Blaine took the words out of Kurt's mouth.

“Well, from speaking to him, I believe that he has at least two. One of whom has been present since childhood. He's learned to coexist with the alter and over the years, since it's been so many, the alter has gotten good at mimicking Sebastian's mannerisms and essentially being Sebastian. Unless you knew what you were looking for, odds are, you'd never know anything was off.”

“But, you said there are at least two...” Blaine prompts.

The man leans back in his chair again. “As I said, he's grown accustomed to living with the first alter but then, and I believe this is a fairly recent occurrence, a new, malevolent alter emerged. One he doesn't know how to deal with. Essentially, there is a voice that is constantly whispering in his ear that he is worthless or that he should harm himself.”

Blaine covers his mouth and stifles a dry sob. “Why?”

It's a damn good question and if Kurt could bring himself to speak, it would have been him that said it. The doctor nods and offers them a look of sympathy. “I believe that there is a lot going on in your boyfriend's life than he's been telling you. Or that he even remembers. Alters are created to deal with feelings or situations that cause trauma to the host. In Sebastian's case, I feel as though he already has the feelings of worthlessness that stem from some sort of trauma in his past and this alter is a manifestation of those feelings.”

“His father is the one who makes him feel worthless,” Blaine answers in a seething breath. “Seb would never tell me, but I've heard his father screaming at him. Just absolutely horrible, hateful things and he acts like it doesn't bother him, but I know it does. How could it not?”

Dr. Meraz nods. “I have a feeling you might be right, Blaine. But we're going to have to keep him for observation until we figure out the best way to treat him. At the moment, he's not responding well. When we ran his blood test, we found that he'd been trying to self-medicate, so until we get all of that medicine out of his system, we're not going to really know where we stand.”

Kurt's head is spinning. Had their boyfriend really gone to such great lengths to hide his sickness? The thought makes his heart hurt and fresh tears bead in his eyes. He's cried so much in the past few days that it's a wonder that he even has any tears left, but somehow, he does. Blaine's hand slides back into his own, his thumb sliding over Kurt's knuckles.

The doctor is continuing. “Now that the pills are starting to wear off, since they were so ill-suited to treat his condition anyway, we're starting to see more symptoms. With all of the stress this new alter is placing on him, I believe he started having symptoms he never had before and that's why he began trying to self-medicate. He's having delusions and it's causing rapid switching between identities. We believe that the original alter is one that he created to deal with very emotionally taxing situations. I think that's what we're seeing.”

“What about the new one?” Kurt asks quietly.

“That one has been coming out as well. As you know, there was another attempt at self-harming last night--” Blaine swallows thickly as the doctor continues. “The nurses caught him in time and he barely managed to break the skin.”

“Does he remember us now?” Blaine wonders, sad resignation in his voice for the answer he knows is coming.

The doctor frowns deeply. “Yes and no. The stress is affecting is body in a multitude of ways. Sometimes he remembers and other times he doesn't. It's selective. The important thing is not to give up hope. Never give up on him. He needs all of the love and support he can get right now and it looks like you are the only ones who have given him that.”

“Yes, sir,” Blaine nods, squeezing Kurt's hand and prompting him to stand. “May we--I mean--Would it be alright if we went to see him?”

Doctor Meraz stands and moves quietly over toward the door. “Yes, you can. Visiting hours are almost over. Tomorrow he's being moved to an in-patient care facility better suited for his needs. I'd advise you to look for signs of switching. Given what you've told me, I believe that you're well acquainted with his original alter. You may just not know it. I believe that Sebastian, as well as that alter, trusts you deeply. You told me that, on the phone, you heard Sebastian say, 'They'll help me. They love me.' I believe you spoke to an alter so it's clear that it trusts you to look out of Sebastian's best interests. Really pay attention to his words, mannerisms, and actions. Try and find something that doesn't seem like Sebastian. Something you only find him doing occasionally.”

Kurt and Blaine nod toward the doctor and he pats Blaine on the shoulder. “He's a strong kid. He can pull through this. It's not going to be easy, but I have faith.”

With a parting clap on the shoulder and a nod, the doctor leaves them outside the door to Sebastian's room. Kurt opens it and finds Sebastian sitting quietly on the bed, staring down at his feet. “Seb?”

Sebastian blinks but doesn't look up. “There's a mouse on my foot. If I move, she'll bite me.”

Kurt kisses the side of Sebastian's head and sits down in the chair beside the bed. He'd been told, for the moment, not to fight the delusions. That time would come later. Blaine reaches slowly for Sebastian's hand and Sebastian's eyes remain carefully trained on the blanket as though gauging how much he can move without being bitten. He sighs as he takes Blaine's hand. He sounds so tired and Kurt reaches up to brush a fallen lock of sandy blond hair from his forehead.

It's actually been a good day for Sebastian. He's been mostly lucid and has remembered Kurt and Blaine for most of the day, only having to be reminded once who they were. Sebastian looks up and give Blaine a nervous smile.

Blaine returns the smile and presses a kiss to the back of his boyfriend's hand. “How are you?”

It's a stupid question, but it begs to be asked. Sebastian sighs. “I have a headache. The doctor says I'm not supposed to try and hide anything anymore. I think they got pissed that I was taking pills...”

“They're not the only ones,” Kurt chides, shooting Sebastian a disapproving glance. “Seb, that was really dangerous.”

“Better than the alternative,” he answers, calm and sure. “Have you seen my boyfriends? I think they were supposed to be here.”

Kurt sighs and strokes Sebastian's cheek. “We're right here, honey,” he reminds gently and Sebastian just looks confused as he lapses into silence.

They sit in silence for a little while, Kurt and Blaine lost in their thoughts and Sebastian lost in his own world. Kurt leaves to go grab a few magazines and books from the gift shop to help pass the time, leaving Blaine alone with Sebastian.

“Will you come sit with me?” Sebastian asks, shifting to the left side of his bed to make room for Blaine. He holds out one bandaged arm and wraps it around Blaine's middle to pull him close, flush against his side, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “I love you.”

Blaine sighs softly and relaxes into Sebastian's side, breathing out a quiet, “I love you, too,” as he lets his eyes slip closed and just drifts on being so close to his boyfriend. When he closes his eyes and focuses on the sound of Sebastian humming quietly, it's almost easy to forget that they're in a hospital, easy to forget that there's anything wrong at all when everything is so perfect.

Sebastian stops humming and presses a kiss to the top of Blaine's hair. “What did you say?”

“I didn't say anything. I was almost asleep,” Blaine answers honestly. “What did you hear?” Sebastian's spine stiffens and he shakes his head, pushing at Blaine to move him off the bed. “Seb, what did you hear?”

“Where's Kurt?” Sebastian asks, his voice breaking. His shoulders are starting to shake as his mood drops off. There is pure anguish on his face and Blaine doesn't know what to say to help. “Where's Kurt?”

Blaine takes a slow step forward and tries to take Sebastian's hand but he pulls it away. “Kurt just went downstairs to get a few things from the gift shop. He'll be right back.”

“Don't lie to me! Tell me where he is!” he demands, green eyes sparkling with fear and fury. But above all is just heartbreaking confusion.

Blaine holds up his hands in surrender. “I promise. He's just downstairs. He'll be back in a minute.”

“He's gone--”

“No, he's not. Why do you think that?” Realization strikes and Blaine asks, “Is someone telling you that?”

Sebastian ignores the question and continues in a panic. “Kurt's gone,” he chokes out, crying now. “I drove him away! And now you're going to leave too.” His eyes dart around the room frantically and it takes Blaine less than a second to realize why. He's scanning the room for something sharp. Blaine swiftly moves to the side of Sebastian's bed and sits on the side, taking one of his hands, holding tight when he tries to pull away. “Stop!”

Sebastian pushes Blaine roughly, knocking him to the floor and jumping out of bed, crossing the room, dropping down on the floor behind the teal-green chair in the corner, hiding with his knees pulled to his chest. Kurt throws open the door, breathing heavily. “I heard him yelling--”

“Look,” Blaine whispers, standing up and taking Kurt's hand before crossing the room. “Kurt's right here. He didn't leave you. He'd never leave you.”

Kurt kneels down beside Sebastian, resting a hand on his cheek and looking into his soft, sad green eyes. He looks so young and broken and suddenly it hits him. “You're not Sebastian, are you, sweetheart?”

Sebastian swallows thickly and slowly shakes his head.

“What's your name?”

He shakes his head in quick jerks from side to side, tears falling freely from his eyes.

Blaine moves forward. “You know we won't hurt you. We know you are the one who called us when Sebastian was hurt. You want to help him.”

The alter nods, so clearly not Sebastian now. He folds his hands in his lap and nervously watches his fingers, but Kurt lifts his chin. “Honey, let us help Sebastian. Like you did before. You can help him again.”

“He hates Sebastian. He wants to hurt him,” the alter says, his voice meek and anxious, as though he's fearing some sort of attack for speaking.

Blaine takes the shy boy's hand. “We won't let him do that. We want to keep him safe, but we need your help, okay?”

He nods again. “Okay.”

“Come on,” Kurt offers him a hand. “Let's get off the floor and back on the bed, alright? You don't have to run from us. You know that. I'd venture a guess that you're the one who's been sneaking in our windows for the past few months...”

The alter gives Kurt a bashful little smile.

“We'd love to get to know you,” Blaine says, voice soft and warm, the alter shifting immediately into his side as though he's desperately drawing comfort from his presence. “Will you tell us your name, please,” he asks, combing his fingers through the alter's hair.

There's silence for a beat before he whispers, “Skylar.”


	3. Chapter 3

Two weeks.

It's been two entire weeks without seeing Sebastian. His new doctor keeps them up to date on his treatment--which isn't going well. Or at all.

Shortly after his transfer, Sebastian fell into severe depression. The doctor said that degeneration is to be expected in a case like Sebastian's and that depression is all too common, but it's easy to see that Sebastian isn't meeting the doctor's expectations.

Most of his days have been bad days. He's slipping further and further under the control of his illness. He barely speaks unless he's screaming, he won't eat, and even though he doesn't leave his bed, the delusions won't let him sleep.

He's given up.

And on the fourteenth day, Kurt decides he's done waiting for the doctors to tell him he can go ahead and visit Sebastian. Blaine is in school and he is alone. He used to like being alone sometimes. It gave him time to focus his thoughts and just think, but lately being alone with his thoughts is torture.

He shows up at the facility and demands to see Sebastian's doctor.

“Mr. Hummel, I wasn't aware I was scheduled to see you today,” the doctor greets but Kurt isn't interested in niceties.

“I've been waiting two weeks, and I can't wait anymore. I understand the facility's policy, but keeping him locked away without visitors is not helping. If anything, it's making it worse. Sebastian doesn't do well with alone, and while I respect that your policy is to give him time to settle in and he hasn't been settling in, you can't just keep telling us we can't see him--”

“Us?”

“Yes, my boyfriend and I would like to see Sebastian.”

The doctor shoots Kurt a confused look. “I thought Sebastian was your boyfriend...”

Kurt nods. “They both are.”

A knowing look troubles the doctor's face and he rolls his chair to the side to pull a file--presumably Sebastian's--from a cabinet. He perches his reading glasses on the bridge of his nose and reads from the chart. “This boy's name wouldn't be Blaine, would it?”

“Yes. Blaine Anderson.”

The doctor frowns, taking off his glasses and rubbing his eyes. “Mr. Hummel, I apologize most sincerely,” he says, looking appropriately abashed. “It seems as though there's been a mistake.”

Kurt grits his teeth. “What kind of mistake?”

“Every night we have a nurse checking in on Sebastian every half hour. And most of those nights, he's mumbling to himself about a boy named Blaine. We began to treat it as a delusion and--”

He's been telling Sebastian that Blaine is just a figment of his imagination. Murderous rage flashes through Kurt and he's on his feet in a second. “Take me to him. Take me to Sebastian now or I'm taking him out of here and filing a report with your superiors.”

The man stands up and holds his hands out in surrender. “Yes, I think it might be best if we let you see him. I believe we've found a cause for his depression.”

A low growl escapes Kurt's throat and he fights every urge inside himself to tear the man limb from limb. Seeing Sebastian is more important. He sends a text to Blaine telling him that he's to go to the hospital the second school lets out and follows the doctor to Sebastian's door.

Looking inside the clear pane toward the top of the door, Kurt can see Sebastian curled in on himself, tears falling down his cheeks. He passes the doctor brusquely and opens the door. Sebastian doesn't even look up until Kurt moves to sit on the bed beside him. “Hey, sweetheart.”

“Hello.” It's far too formal. He doesn't remember who Kurt is. He looks a little disappointed and lays his head back down.

“What's the matter?” Kurt asks, resting a hand on Sebastian's arm.

Sebastian sighs. “I was just hoping for someone else.”

“Who?”

Sebastian sits up, pulling his knees to his chest and propping his chin on them. “My boyfriends,” he mumbles into the fabric of his sweatpants. “I miss them so much. They haven't been to see me, but I know they still love me. I'm sure they're just busy.”

“I'm sure they miss you with all their hearts.” Kurt smiles softly and rubs a comforting hand across Sebastian's back. “Why don't you tell me about them?”

“They're perfect.” It's a simple declaration. “Kurt is beautiful and smart. God, he's beautiful. And Blaine is--” He breaks off and shakes his head.

“Tell me about Blaine,” Kurt prompts.

But Sebastian shakes his head again. “I--I thought he was real, but the doctors told me I made him up. They said Kurt's real, but I made Blaine up, but--but I didn't. At least, I don't think I did,” Sebastian whispers brokenly. “He's amazing. He's warm and kind, and I really hope I didn't make him up, because I love him just as much as I love my Kurt.”

“Your Kurt?” Kurt smiles. He hasn't heard Sebastian call him that in weeks.

A soft smile touches Sebastian's face. “It's what I call him sometimes. I kiss him on the forehead and tell him he's 'my Kurt'. It always makes him smile.” He looks up toward Kurt's face to see that the words did in fact make him smile and a look of recognition dawns on his face. He pitches forward and throws his arms around Kurt's neck. “Kurt! Oh my God, babe!”

Kurt returns the embrace and it feels just like coming home. “Hi, sweetheart.”

“Blaine!” Sebastian pulls back to look into his eyes, desperation on his face as he continues. “They told me Blaine's not real,” he panics. “They said I made him up, but I--”

Kurt just shakes his head, hands framing Sebastian's face. “The appropriate source of that lie is going to be fired by the end of the day. I plan to find out whose fault it is.” Kurt pulls out his phone and dials Blaine's number. It takes a couple rings before Blaine answers.

“Kurt? What is it? What's wrong? I'm in the middle of Calculus...”

“Nothing's wrong. Well, nothing you can't fix,” Kurt answers. “Hang on.” He puts the phone on speaker and holds it out to Sebastian. “Here, honey. He misses you so much.”

Sebastian takes the phone in shaking hands. “Hi, beautiful.”

Kurt can hear Blaine's voice hitch before coming out rapid-fire. “Seb, baby! Hang on. I'm leaving school.” There's the quiet dinging in the background indicating an open car door before it slams. “I'll be there in twenty minutes.”

“Good luck convincing them you're real,” Kurt fumes under his breath, his voice snide and bitter.

\----------------

It's quiet in Sebastian's room. The only sound being the synched breathing of the three boys on the bed. Given the fact that Sebastian's bed is just a large twin, it's a tight squeeze, with Blaine pressed flush against the wall, Sebastian all but lying on top of him, and Kurt pressed against Sebastian's back.

“The doctor thinks that something really bad happened in my past that I don't remember,” Sebastian says out of the blue.

Blaine brushes hair from Sebastian's forehead. “Yeah. He said that to us, too.”

Sebastian sighs and lets his eyes slip closed. “I mean...my childhood kinda sucked, but whose didn't? Everyone has issues and they're not crazy...”

“You're not crazy, Sebastian,” Kurt is quick to correct. “You're just sick. You'll get better.”

“He said that I have to try and remember what happened. He said that one of my alters probably remembers because he was out to deal with it.” He huffs out a gust of air and sits up, shifting to throw his legs over the side of the bed and drag a hand through his hair. “God, I knew I was fucked up, but this is just--”

Kurt is by his side in a flash. “You're not fucked up, Seb.”

“Yeah, I'm pretty sure I am, babe,” he answers with a cold laugh. “Since I was a kid, there are time when I've just gone away. I lose hours and sometimes days at a time and wake up in strange places. Babe, people don't do that. People don't just black out and not remember what the fuck they've been doing for the past few hours.”

He reaches over and takes Kurt's hand. “What if I had hurt one of you?”

“You wouldn't. Skylar isn't violent. He trusts us--” Kurt breaks off at the shocked expression on Sebastian's face.

“What are you talking about?” The words are tense and guarded.

Blaine puts his hand on Sebastian's knee and looks into his eyes. “When you were in the hospital, one of your alters came out. It happened when you called us the night you hurt yourself, too. From what I've read online, I think he's the one who comes out when you're scared or hurt. He helps you deal with it.”

The three jump when there's a knock on the door. A nurse peeks her head in. “Oh, good. I was wondering when you were going to get out of that bed,” she jokes kindly, smiling. “Who are your friends?”

“Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson,” Sebastian answers slowly, eyes flicking back and forth between the pair before squeezing his eyes shut, taking a breath, and trying again. “They're my boyfriends.”

The nurse smiles politely and nods. “Well, it's very nice to meet you, but it's time for Sebastian to see the doctor.”

“I want Kurt and Blaine to come with me. I feel better with them here,” Sebastian says quickly, his voice firm.

“I'll need to speak to Dr. Bennett, but I don't see why it would be an issue,” she offers, crossing the room to rest a hand on Sebastian's shoulder. “I'm glad you've found something to make you feel better. I hated to see you moping around in bed. I was about to take a hose to ya just to get you moving,” she teases, smiling and touching his face.

Sebastian returns the smile. Kurt and Blaine breathe a sigh of relief.

\----------------

Sebastian opens up to the doctor, answering all the questions honestly without holding back information. Apparently, he'd first remembers noticing the voices in his head when he was eleven. When he started noticing the new alter about a year ago, he'd panicked and started stealing his mother's Valium to cope with the anxiety. It had worked well enough that he'd started buying the medicine illegally from a friend.

He doesn't remember anything that had been happening during that time that might have sparked the creation of the new alter. It was when the doctor asked if Sebastian could let him speak to Skylar that things started to go downhill. Fast.

The switch had been remarkably seamless. The only thing Kurt noticed was Sebastian blinking quickly twice before his entire posture softened, his hand lifting to tug at his ear nervously.

“Skylar?” the doctor asks quietly, leaning forward to meet his gaze. Skylar bites his lip and casts his eyes to his lap. “Skylar, can you tell me how old you are?”

He shakes his head and there's a tremble in his shoulders. Kurt can see Blaine hesitate for a second before clearing his throat. “Maybe if I sat with him?” he suggests and the doctor nods. Blaine climbs to his feet silently, crossing the office to sit down on the couch. Skylar shoots him a wary glance and Blaine nods in encouragement, reaching out to take his hand. “It's okay. You can tell him. Kurt and I are here.”

Skylar looks up to meet Kurt's eyes and smiles nervously. “You come too?” he asks, holding out a tentative hand toward Kurt.

“Okay, but if I come over there, you have to tell the doctor what he wants to know, alright?” Kurt bargains. Skylar bites his lip but nods, leaning into Blaine's side and ducking under his arm to hide his face. Blaine presses a kiss to the top of his hair out of habit as Kurt sits down and rubs over the wing of Skylar's shoulder. The doctor repeats the question and Kurt nudges the shy alter. “Go ahead, sweetheart.”

He stretches up to whisper into Blaine's ear. “He says he's eight years old.”

The doctor nods but speaks in a stern voice. “I'd like him to tell me himself.”

Skylar shoots the doctor a fearful glance and stretches up to whisper into Blaine's ear again but Blaine shakes his head and pulls away. “No. Tell him.” He points to the doctor. “Kurt and I are here. We won't let him hurt you. Go ahead.”

Skylar takes a deep breath and holds his head up. “My name's Skylar and I'm eight years old and I don't wanna talk anymore.”

It all comes out in a rush before he buries his face into the crook of Blaine's neck, but even in the jumbled rush of words, it's easy to spot the difference between Skylar and Sebastian. Aside from the obvious mannerisms that speak to the nervousness of the shy personality, now that they're paying attention, there's a stark difference between their voices.

In the months that they've been unknowingly interacting with Skylar, he'd never spoken until the night he first introduced himself. Before then, he'd been imitating Sebastian's voice in an attempt to blend in and stay unnoticed. Skylar's voice is soft and sweet, shy and quiet.

“Skylar,” Kurt chides. “You promised. Remember how you said you'd help Blaine and I help Sebastian?” Skylar nods. “The doctor wants to help him.”

“Will you keep us safe?” Skylar asks, quiet and unsure. The doctor nods. He takes another deep breath and squares his shoulders. “Okay.”

The doctor clears his throat and nods once. “What is your purpose?”

“I come out when Seb is scared. He doesn't like when people yell at him, but I'm used to people yelling at me,” he says slowly, toying with his fingers and flicking his eyes up to judge the doctor's reaction.

“What do you do when people start yelling at Sebastian?”

“I run away. I'm a good hider.”

“Do you hide at Kurt and Blaine's houses?”

“Yes. They love Sebastian and they make me safe. Blaine holds me real tight and Kurt plays with my hair until I fall asleep. I like that.” He looks toward Kurt and gives him a shy almost-smile.

Dr. Bennett writes something down in his notebook and frowns. “Skylar, how long have you been with Sebastian?”

“Long time.” Anxiousness starts to radiate from the alter again and he lifts a hand to tug at his ear.

“Can you tell me about when Sebastian was your age?”

The question sparks panic in Skylar and he shakes his head. “No.”

“I think you can, but you won't,” the doctor prompts, searching, but Skylar just shakes his head jerkily.

“No! No! No!” he cries out, pulling his knees to his chest and starting to rock. His hands flash to cover his ears. “I don't trust you!” It's shrill and terrified and all at once, he's off the couch, running across the room, dropping down and wedging himself between a bookcase and the wall. His entire body is trembling in fear and he has his head buried between his knees to hide his face.

Kurt flicks an anxious glance between the doctor and the boy huddled in a corner, pleading silently, and the man nods. He's off the couch and across the room in a second, dropping down and running his hand through sandy blond hair. “Honey, you did a good job, okay? You don't need to be scared.”

Skylar looks up and meets Kurt's gaze. “I don't wanna talk anymore today.” It's barely a choked whisper and Kurt nods, turning back to the doctor for confirmation.

“Okay. Can we have Sebastian back?”

“The bad one wants to come out,” Skylar whispers, leaning close to Kurt. “He wants to hurt Seb and I don't want him to. Don't let him out. He's saying bad things. Very bad things.”

“What's he saying?” Kurt asks, and Blaine stiffens, desperately wanting to run over and comfort.

Skylar shakes his head. “He's a liar. He makes Seb think bad things.” He swallows again. “Don't let him hurt Seb.”

Kurt runs another hand through the alter's hair. “I'd never let anyone hurt him. Will you bring Sebastian back out now, please?”

He nods, closing his eyes tightly. It takes a couple seconds before they blink open again, slightly confused. His eyes dart around the room and his spine stiffens. “What happened? How long have I--?”

“Just a couple minutes,” Kurt promises, resting a hand on his boyfriend's cheek. Sebastian winces and shakes his head as if to clear it. “Do you hear the bad one?”

Sebastian looks up. “The bad one?”

“Skylar says there's a bad one. The one who hurt you and makes you think bad thoughts.”

“It's always there. But like, sometimes, it's like they're louder. Like it's thinking for me,” he says, swallowing thickly and looking toward Kurt with pleading eyes.

Kurt nods slowly. “Is it like that now?”

There's a tense silence for a beat before Kurt gets a reply.

“Do you know how many guys he's fucked?” The voice is hard and cruel and pitched a bit higher than the voice Kurt's used to hearing. “How many he's let fuck him?”

His spine stiffens and he looks toward the doctor before turning back with hard eyes. “No, but I'm sure you'll enlighten me,” he bites back, just as cold.

“He's fucked at least twenty boys prettier than you.” Sharp green eyes scan Kurt's body, appraising and judging before he laughs coldly. “I expected more. Even a slut like Sebastian should have higher standards than you.”

The alter stands up and strides across the room, leaving Kurt sitting shocked on the floor. He sits down on the couch beside Blaine, crossing his legs very properly and smirking at the doctor. Kurt snaps out of it and quickly moves back to the couch, sitting between the alter and Blaine protectively.

Dr. Bennett tilts his head to the side and asks, “Are you the one who's been hurting Sebastian?”

“Oh yes,” the alter says with a nod. “That would be me.”

“Why do you hurt him?”

“Because I fucking hate him,” the alter laughs. “He thinks that there are no repercussions to his actions. He's a pretentious, selfish little slut--”

“He's not a slut,” Blaine snaps, unable to hold his tongue.

A look of mild surprise crosses the alter's face before sick amusement replaces it. “Well, you are pretty, aren't you?”

“Knock it off,” Kurt barks, low and quick, and the alter laughs.

“Oh, the bitch is protective,” he purrs, grinning slickly. “I like it.”

The doctor seems determined to refocus the alter's attention. “What is your purpose?”

Laughter rings off the walls of the room. “You think you can just get inside my head just like that? Fuck with my brain and figure out why I'm trying to hurt poor little Sebby?”

“What's your name?” Dr. Bennett tries, but the alter laughs again.

The alter shrugs. “I'm not sure,” he teases. “Maybe I don't have one. I sort of like that, actually. The nameless man bound and determined to give Sebastian what he deserves. Righting the wrongs of the past. It's kind of poetic, don't you think? Kind of like a superhero.”

“You're not a superhero,” Blaine growls, voice lined with steel and sharp as a blade. “And I'm not sure what crusade you're on, but I'm not going to let you hurt him.”

“Oh, sweetie,” he sneers, his voice saccharine sweet and mocking as he holds up his wrists to show the deep gashes marring the skin. “Looks like I already did.”

Kurt reaches over to hold Blaine's shaking hand, squeezing tight. “Just tell us your name,” he orders in a clipped voice.

The alter clicks his tongue. “But where would the fun in that be?” he asks, flashing a smile that widens as he continues. “I'm not going to kill him right away,” he starts, his smile twisting his features into something sickly pleased. “I'm going to make him want to die before I finally kill him. I'm going to fuck with his pretty little mind and slice up his pretty little body and then I'll kill him. But not until he begs for it.” He laughs quietly at his own apparent humor. “I'm going to torture him.” Another laugh, this one almost gleeful.

“What makes you hate him so much?” the doctor asks again but the alter just gives a smile before holding his finger over the top of his arm and dragging his fingernail down the skin, hard. Less than a second later there's a gasp of pain and the hand recoils before clapping down over the angry red line.

“Sebastian?” Blaine asks and Sebastian looks over to meet Blaine's gaze. The smaller boy throws his arms around his boyfriend's neck. “We're going to keep you safe, baby. I promise.”

Sebastian swallows thickly and returns the embrace, uncertainty written plain across his features.


	4. Chapter 4

“I don't want it, and they're not going to make me take it,” the words are a low growl, fierce and determined.

Kurt shifts to the side and rests his hand on a subtly trembling shoulder. “Honey, Nurse Dani just wants to help you.” He cards his fingers through sandy hair. “The medicine is going to help you.”

“No.”

There's fear hidden behind the steel in his voice and Kurt's heart pangs with grief.

It was clear less than thirty seconds after the nurse walked in the room that Sebastian was gone, a bitter, distrustful alter taking his place, his eyes darting frantically around the room, scanning. He was assessing the presumed danger present.

“The doctor talked to you about the medicine. It's just something to calm you down--”

“I'm not taking it. It's going to make me sick. Just like it did before.”

“Sweetheart, you've never taken this before.”

“It always makes you sick!”

“Has someone given you pills that made you sick before?”

A nod.

“Who did that?” Kurt asks, quiet and soothing, shifting protectively to guard the boy backed in the corner. “Did someone hurt you?”

“Not me.”

“Did they hurt Sebastian?”

Another nod. “He didn't notice. He drank the whole bottle...” The alter shakes his head. “He was stupid.”

Kurt shoots a glance to where the nurse is standing just inside the doorway. She nods for him to continue. “What happened? Can you tell me?”

“Don't remember. We woke up in the backseat of Sebastian's car. I had a headache and Sebastian couldn't find his shoes.” Kurt takes his hand and the alter continues. “I helped him forget. But I don't know what happened.”

“You do know what happened, but you're not saying...”

The alter nods and shakes his head. “I don't remember everything, but Sebastian started to feel funny and then the next thing I remember was waking up in the back of his car.”

“We're not trying to drug you--”

He shakes his head again and points. “I'm not taking anything from her. I don't take anything from anyone. It's not safe.”

“I love Sebastian very much and I don't want anything to hurt him. I would never let that happen. I promise that what she's giving you is safe,” Kurt assures, squeezing the alter's hand. “Do you trust me?”

It comes out in a derisive scoff as though the answer is obvious. “Of course I do.”

“I like that you're so protective over Sebastian--”

“You too. And Blaine. You keep him safe and we want to keep you safe too.”

Kurt gives him a small smile. “Thank you.” He stands up and takes the paper cups of pills and water from the nurse and gestures for the alter to sit, dropping down beside him and holding out the cups. “Can you trust me?”

“It's not you I don't trust. They all want to hurt us. They want to keep us drugged so we can't fight back while they hurt us.” There are tears in his soft voice, lowered now that the panic has subsided. “I don't want anyone to hurt us. You're smart and you can be safe, but Blaine isn't. Blaine trusts everybody.”

“Do you honestly think I'd ever let anyone close enough to hurt Blaine?” Kurt asks with a small smile. “You think I'd let anyone touch him?”

The alter swallows thickly and shakes his head, holding his hand out toward Kurt. “We're so lucky to have you, Kurt.”

A soft expression crosses Kurt's features and he lets the warm hand slide into his own. “Can you tell me your name?”

“Travis.”

“Well, Travis, can you trust that I'll do everything to keep Blaine and Sebastian safe?” He gets a nod and he squeezes Travis' hand. “Will you take this medicine to make Sebastian better? I have all of the papers about side-effects and information about the medicine. I read every single word and I promise that these pills will help.”

Travis takes the cups from Kurt's hand and breathes deeply as he squeezes his eyes shut and tosses the pills in his mouth. He drains the cup of water and nods. “I trust you.”

\----------------

“What am I supposed to do with this?”

Sebastian turns the composition book over in his hands, holding it up toward the doctor in questioning. It's fairly calm today. He's only felt Skylar trying to come out. Skylar doesn't like the doctor. That much is crystal clear.

“I'd like you to ask your alters to use this journal. It might help you communicate with them in order to get a handle on their purposes. They can use it to do whatever they'd like. Writing, drawing...”

Sebastian blinks quickly and his posture softens. There's something in his eye that speaks of excitement. “Can I write stories?” Skylar comes out, momentarily forgetting his worry and distrust in his inquiry.

The doctor offers a smile and nods. “Anything you want, but I'd like it if you could let the other alters know that the journal exists.” Skylar tucks his legs up under himself and nods. “You'll do that for me?”

“Can I have some crayons?”

“Yes.” There's a small smile on the doctor's face. “I can get you some crayons.”

\----------------

Blaine raps softly on the door as he opens it, peeking inside. It's Saturday and by the grace of God, he didn't have to work (unlike Kurt) so he took off as early as possible, stopping to get coffee on the way to visit Sebastian.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Blaine greets, shutting the door behind himself and crossing over to kiss Sebastian. He doesn't look up from where he's scribbling in a notebook, so Blaine just drops a kiss to the top of his head. “What are you doing? I brought coffee.”

He scrunches his nose and looks up to meet Blaine's eyes. “The doctor said I could color in Sebastian's notebook. He gave me some crayons.”

“Oh. Alright.” Blaine kisses his head again, settling in beside him. “What are you drawing?”

“It's you and Kurt and Seb,” Skylar answers, pointing to each heavy-handedly scribbled figure. “He's been real sad and I don't like it, so I wanted to make him a picture of something happy.” He bites his lip nervously. “Do you think he'll like it?”

Blaine smiles warmly and wraps an arm around the boy's waist. “I think he'll love it. I bet he'd like it even more if you drew yourself in the picture, too,” he prompts. “What do you look like?”

Skylar flips to a clean page and shifts back, picking up a pencil from beside himself and propping the notebook on his knees as he sets the tip to the paper with determination. Blaine watches silently as the pencil flies feverishly over the page. He brushes lightly through sandy hair as he watches.

Even in the childishly drawn image, the figure is clear. It's a boy, yellow-blond hair and blue eyes. He embellishes the picture with a striped t-shirt and shorts before smiling and holding the notebook out to Blaine. “Here.”

“And this is you?” Blaine clarifies. Skylar nods. “You've very cute.”

Skylar blushes and looks down. “Thank you, Blaine, but I don't think I like boys like Seb does.”

Blaine gives his shoulder a playful shove. “Well, what do you like then?”

Skylar smiles hugely. “I like Power Rangers!”

It makes Blaine laugh. Sebastian had a shelf in his closet that contained a shoebox full of Power Rangers. Blaine had thought they were from his childhood, but maybe Skylar had just decided to obtain them.

“Would you like me to bring your Power Rangers next time I come?” he asks before thinking, “Kurt is coming later. I can get him to bring them. We brought all of Sebastian's things over to Kurt's house.”

Skylar frowns and looks down at his feet, wiggling his toes in his socks. “You..took everything?”

“We didn't take anything. It's all safe over at Kurt's house. We thought it would be best if Sebastian didn't go back to his parents' house after he's better.”

Skylar nods. “M-My box did you find it?”

“The box of Power Rangers is in the pile somewhere--”

“No.” He shakes his head, still frowning. “It's a wooden box. Please don't lose it,” he whispers, voice threatening to break. “It's--It's all we have left.”

Blaine squeezes his hand. “All you have left of what?”

It's clearly visible when Skylar's shoulders start to shake and hands flash to cover his eyes.

“What happened?” Blaine prods. “Please, just tell me what happened so I can help you.”

Skylar lays down sideways across the bed, curling into a ball and crying loudly, whimpers and pleas falling from his lips as his entire body is wracked with violent sobs, his breath hitching and tearing from his throat. He's panicking and Blaine doesn't know how to help.

A nurse throws open the door and runs across the room while Skylar screams, thrashing and crying on the bed as he fights her off weakly.

It never gets easier to see someone shove a needle into your boyfriend's thigh, his screams turning into choked off sobs before his body goes limp on the bed. Blaine has to step outside for a moment to try and make the shaking in his hands stop. He just has to be strong. Sebastian is sick. He will get better.

Blaine repeats it as a mantra and tries his best not to shake apart at the seams.

\----------------

It's been over a week and the pills aren't working. Well, not for their intended purpose anyway.

The doctor blames the dosage. “It's always a delicate process trying to find the right dosage to treat each illness. I know it's not ideal, but this isn't uncommon or unexpected--”

Kurt rubs his eyes, so tired. “I don't really care how 'uncommon or unexpected' it is. I just want to know why. You're hedging around an answer and I just don't have the patience for this today.” The words come out just as trudging and exhausted as Kurt feels. He can't find it in himself to be angry. Not when all he wants to do is curl up and sleep.

“Mr. Hummel, we started Sebastian out at a high dosage and are working out way down until we find the proper one to treat him.”

A short burst of frustration flash-burns through Kurt. “So, essentially, the reason he's become catatonic and unresponsive is because you've got him doped out of his mind?” Kurt nods, lips pursing as his jaw sets. “My boyfriend hasn't spoken to or even recognized Blaine or myself in almost two weeks because you've decided this was the best course of action...”

“We're reevaluating our strategy--”

Kurt barks out a short, humorless laugh. “That's fantastic. Well, I'm sure glad to hear that. It sets my mind right at ease.” He slaps his hands on his thighs. “Let me tell you your new strategy. Sebastian isn't psychotic, there is no need to keep him so strongly sedated. What I want you to do is flip your damn strategy and start him with a low dose and work your way up. That way he'll be able to actually tell you if the goddamn pills are working.”

The doctor nods once and makes a note in the open folder of Sebastian's chart. “You have to understand the policy of the institution--”

“I'm well aware of the policy. I've read it several times. Thank you,” Kurt says with just a bit more bite than he intends. “And I understand that the policy is to treat those with severe psychosis at the high end of the dosing spectrum and work your way down in an attempt to be proactive about treating their illness. I understand. But Sebastian isn't psychotic. And I believe that you know you gave him too much.”

“That is a strong accusation, Mr. Hummel--”

“Yes. Yes, it is.” There's fire in Kurt's eyes. “And I suggest you fix this before I go over your head and let someone know that you purposefully over-medicated my boyfriend.”

“He was having trouble sleeping--”

Kurt stands up and brushes off the front of his pants. “Well, that certainly isn't the case now, is it?”

The doctor comes up short for words and Kurt is sure that he's noticed the fact that Sebastian spends the better portion of each day asleep, knocked out by the high dosage of medication he's been given. He sleeps while Kurt and Blaine sit with him. He's rarely awake long enough to realize that he doesn't recognize them anymore.

“I'll begin a new treatment plan immediately,” the doctor says, sympathetic and sheepish.

Kurt turns around. “No. You won't. I don't want Sebastian under your care anymore. I want him to have a new doctor.”

“Very well.”

Kurt slams the door on his way out, already late for work. He grabs a cup of coffee on the way and waits for a phone call from Sebastian's new doctor. Kurt is on break when it comes. There's a new treatment plan in place and he looks forward to a meeting with Kurt and Blaine tomorrow.

With a deep breath and a “Thank you,” Kurt goes back to work.

By the time he gets home, falling in bed beside Blaine--spending the night at the Hudson-Hummels' to get an early start to the hospital in the morning--and wrapping the smaller boy in his arms, he's completely and totally exhausted.

The next morning, Blaine sits downstairs with Burt, waiting on Kurt to finish getting ready. He stares dejectedly into a cup of tea as Burt speaks.

“You boys have been doin' real good at keeping up appearances, but I know it's startin' to get to ya,” the man says with a sympathetic grimace. “Hell, I don't know how you're doin' as well as ya are, but you're strong kids.”

Blaine shifts slightly in his chair and sighs. “Mr. Hummel--”

“Come on, kid,” Burt cajoles, tilting his head and Blaine nods, a tight, half-smile on his face as he starts again.

“Burt,” he corrects. “It's not as though we have a choice. He needs us right now and that's what's important.”

Burt lifts his baseball hat and rubs at his head. “I can't imagine your parents handling this well.”

“It's been...” Blaine trails off, looking for the right word. “Contentious.” He swallows thickly and turns his head away, fighting the tears beading in his eyes.

Saying that the relationship with his parents has been contentious as of late, is the understatement of the century. Blaine took a job in order to save up money after the conversation with his parents that essentially stated that, if he didn't come to his senses and drop Kurt and Sebastian, he had to move out on his eighteenth birthday, and after long days of school and work, he'd come home to lectures about how he should follow in his father's footsteps and pursue a “practical” future. It was taxing in a way he couldn't even begin to describe.

He can't tell Kurt. How would it be fair to add to Kurt's worry when there's already so much on his shoulders.

It seems as though Burt knows that his explanation is lacking, because the man gives him a reproving glance.

Blaine sighs. “I've been stretching myself so thin lately and my parents are breathing down my neck telling me that I need to wise up and leave Kurt and Sebastian, but I'm not going to do that. I can't. I love them with all my heart.”

“And what are they saying is going to happen if you don't?”

“I've been working and ferreting away every penny I've made for the last few months, but I haven't been able to work as much since Sebastian has been in the hospital and I've been going to school--”

“Blaine.”

“They're kicking me out on my eighteenth birthday.”

“Which is?”

Blaine sighs. “Next week.”


	5. Chapter 5

February seventeenth. He's been in the hospital exactly two months. It's not a good day.

Therapy was tough in a way it hadn't been yet, because now that the meds are in his system, his delusions are gone and the doctor decided it was time to aggressively begin the treatment. The doctor rarely allows Kurt and Blaine in the sessions anymore, saying it's best not to encourage co-dependence. He has a point, of course, but it's not easy seeing someone you love so emotionally drained and having little comfort to offer.

Apparently, the treatment plan at this stage is for Sebastian to begin learning tools to control his switching. Skylar his put up no fight at all and, for the most part, seems willing to cooperate. Travis hasn't made himself known since the day Sebastian started taking his meds two weeks ago. Kurt expects him to be more than a little reticent but ultimately compliant.

The third alter however...

“'X'” Sebastian said a few days ago, random and unexpected.

Kurt looked up from his magazine and Blaine lifted his head from where it was resting against Sebastian's leg. “What?” they asked in unison, and Sebastian tapped the open page of his journal.

“My alters have been writing in our journal,” he stated, tapping the page again. “Skylar signs all of his with a plus sign and an 'S'. Travis barely writes at all. He's answered a few of my questions, but other than that...” he trailed off, flipping the page and frowning. “There's someone who writes in here using only red and he signs his name with an 'X'.”

Kurt rolled his eyes. “Only in red?”

“Apparently he's going for a theme or something.” Sebastian shrugged, flipping the page. “It's sort of pretentious, actually.”

“He's an asshole,” Blaine spoke in a clipped tone.

“Yeah, you don't need to tell me that. Believe me, I'm aware,” Sebastian grumbled. “I just wish I could figure out what this 'X' wants so I can make him leave me the fuck alone.”

X has been uncooperative to say the least. He's strong, loud, and seemingly omnipresent. When Sebastian is having a good day, he can fight him off and keep him in, but when he's weak or tired from therapy, X comes out. He takes advantage of Sebastian's exhaustion.

On Wednesday, Sebastian was in restraints all morning with a nurse outside his door. During the periods without the restraints (hospital policy was twenty minutes on, twenty minutes off), he picked up the journal and wrote vile things. When Sebastian found it the next morning, Skylar came out until Kurt took the journal away and asked to speak to Sebastian.

He framed Sebastian's face with his hands and said, “Baby, will you promise me something?” Sebastian nodded. “Whenever he writes something like this--” Kurt swallowed the acid in his throat and pointed to the words 'stretched out slut!' etched deeply into the paper in red pen. “I want you to write down at least two reasons why it's not true.”

Sebastian swallowed thickly and Kurt continued. “Will you do that for me? Because every single thing he says to you or about you is a lie. You are still my beautiful, amazing, brilliant Sebastian and I refuse to let anyone make you believe otherwise.”

Tears shone in Sebastian's eyes and he leaned forward to press a soft, adoring kiss to Kurt's forehead. “And you will always be my Kurt.”

Kurt smiled and let himself be hauled in for a proper kiss.

...but that was yesterday.

Today finds Sebastian with a short temper and a pounding headache. And even though today probably isn't the day to say it...

“I moved in with Kurt,” Blaine hears himself blurt. He knows Sebastian hates to be out of the loop and Blaine feels guilty for keeping it from his for this long. Kurt's eyes dart between his boyfriends, squaring his shoulders and clearly waiting for some sort of fallout, but Sebastian just looks a bit confused and more than a little shocked and Blaine rambles on. “My parents wanted me out by my birthday. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner--”

“What the fuck do you mean they wanted you out by your birthday?!” Sebastian throws himself off the bed and to his feet, looking very much like he's about to fly into what a doctor might classify as a “psychotic rage”, but Kurt is relieved in a way. It's a very genuine Sebastian reaction. “I thought they were past all the petty shit!” He freezes, his face twisting with rage as he digs the heels of his hands into his eyes. “This is not my fault! Shut the fuck up!”

Blaine is on his feet. “Baby?”

Sebastian doesn't answer. Well, not Blaine at least. “It means nothing! They were practically living together anyway and I want it that way,” he argues, low and forceful, more a growl than anything else. “They love me even though you tell me I don't deserve it. And if they say you're wrong, I believe them.”

Kurt and Blaine watch in silence as Sebastian battles with his own hell, amazed by how strong their boyfriend is and just how hard he's fighting. Slowly, he blinks his eyes open. “He--He stopped.” There's awe in his voice. “I made him stop.”

Kurt and Blaine pitch forward to wrap Sebastian in a hug.

\----------------

“Sebastian, I'd like you to tell me about your family.”

Dr. Harris sits back in his chair and clicks on a tape recorder, setting it on his desk and folding his hands in his lap. Sebastian sits silently for a moment, fingernails picking at a spot on his laminated paper hospital bracelet. He doesn't look up and seems almost bored when he speaks.

“My family sucks,” he states frankly. “My dad's a drunk asshole and my mom is so doped up on Valium that it's like living with a zombie.”

“Siblings?”

“I had a little brother, but he died when I was a kid.”

“And how do you feel about that?”

Sebastian shrugs, still worrying the spot on his bracelet. “It's sad I guess, but I was just a kid.”

“How old were you when he died?” the doctor asks, a knowing expression touching his face.

“About eight or nine, I think, probably.” He shrugs again. “My parents don't really talk about it. I think he was born with epilepsy and a heart defect.” Sebastian tips his head to the side and closes his eyes for a second before questioning, “Do you think Skylar knows more than I do?”

The words pique Dr. Harris' interest. “Why would you say that?”

“Because he wants to come out. Should I let him?” Sebastian is still not totally comfortable letting his alters out, but he feels confident enough with Skylar.

“If you think it will help,” the doctor says with a polite nod. Sebastian lets out a slow breath and his eyelids flutter. The doctor's voice is soft and patient when he prompts, “Skylar?” Skylar's body shrinks in on itself and he tucks his legs under himself, staring intently down at his fingers as he plays with them. “Why did you want to come out? Do you know something Sebastian doesn't?”

“Seb doesn't remember,” he whispers, shy and clearly afraid. “I helped him forget.”

Dr. Harris moves the tape recorder closer to catch the quiet alter's voice. “What did you help him forget?”

“His baby brother. They were real close then he died.”

“Was Sebastian there?”

Skylar swallows thickly and nods, his body starting to tremble as tears begin sliding down his cheeks at the memory, so vivid and terrifyingly real to such a scared little boy. “Y-Yeah.”

“I want you to close your eyes,” Dr. Harris instructs. The alter slowly complies, whimpering. “Skylar, I need you to tell me everything.”

\----------------

The sound of Sebastian screaming echoes through the empty hall and Kurt nearly sends a nurse sprawling as he runs full out to his boyfriend's room, Blaine hot on his heels as he shoves through the door, smacking the syringe of sedative out of a nurse's hand and diving toward Sebastian.

Sebastian clings to Kurt as he keeps screaming, his body convulsing with pure anguish, tears pouring from his eyes to soak into the collar of Kurt's shirt.

Kurt tries to soothe while Blaine is on the offensive with the nurse.

“Stop! This isn't an episode! It's Seb. Just give him some space!” he rushes, his voice loud and half-panicked as his eyes dart back and forth between the nurses coming to restrain Seb and the boy shaking violently in Kurt's hold on the bed. “Please. He's not switching!” The nurses fall back a step, clearly sensing Blaine is right, but Kurt isn't paying attention now, focused solely on calming Sebastian.

“Baby, what's the matter? Are you hurt?” Kurt's hands flutter over any exposed skin but there are no new injuries. “Honey, tell me.”

But Sebastian just continues to panic. He gags with the force of his hysterics and lurches forward. “Sick. I'm going to be sick--”

“No you're not, honey. Breathe,” Blaine prompts, kneeling in front of him and rubbing at his arm roughly to keep him grounded. Sebastian tries a shaky, half-aborted breath. “That's it, baby. Just keep breathing. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth...” He demonstrates to encourage Sebastian to follow his lead. He does and slowly, his breathing begins to even.

“Can you tell us what happened?” Kurt tries, brushing hair away from Sebastian's face. Sebastian opens his mouth but starts to panic again. “Slow, baby. It's okay. You're okay.”

When Sebastian finally manages words, they tumble out in a rush of chaos. “I watched him die! I stood and watched my baby brother die! He looked so scared, Kurt, and I just stood there and screamed! I could have helped him, but I just let him die!”

Blaine puts the puzzle together first. Skylar shared his memory. And if Skylar is stuck at eight years old... “Baby, you were only eight,” he soothes and realization touches Kurt as he continues. “You were just a kid. You couldn't have--”

But Sebastian refuses to be calmed. “No! I let him die! I just stood there--”

Dr. Harris clicked play on the tape recorder, letting Kurt and Blaine hear the story contained on the cassette. (They'd been coming from the doctor's office the next day, the day after Seb's therapy, when they heard him screaming.)

It was Skylar's voice on the tape, panicked and afraid.

“We were playing upstairs,” he started, claiming the memory as his own as well as Sebastian's. “And Matthew was jumping on the bed while Seb read him a story. He loved when we'd read him stories, so we'd do it all the time, and we were watching him jump on the bed. We told him to stop because his momma didn't want him to do that 'cause of his head--”

The doctor's voice came on. “Because of his head?”

“His head was funny and sometimes he'd get real quiet and go still and shake, and his momma would get scared and start cryin'. So, he wasn't supposed to be jumping on the bed in the first place and his foot got wrapped up in the blankets and he fell and hit his head.”

Skylar's breathing picked up, edging toward hysterics as he cried. “So we jumped down off the bed and grabbed him real tight like we saw his momma do 'cause he was shaking really hard and kickin' and stuff. His head kept hittin' the floor and Seb grabbed it to make it stop but then his eyes went funny and he stopped movin' around, so Seb started screaming louder but nobody was home.”

“Seb was by himself with Matthew?”

“Uh-huh. And then his momma and daddy came home and his momma kept cryin' and yelling at Seb and his daddy was hitting him and yelling that it was his fault--”

Kurt frames Sebastian's face, forcing their eyes to meet. “Seb, that wasn't your fault. You did all you could do. You couldn't have saved him. His heart gave out, baby,” Kurt breathes, shaking his head as he strokes Sebastian's cheek with his fingertips.

“He was sick and it wasn't anyone's fault.” He kisses Sebastian's lips in a reassuring promise, brushing away still-falling tears. “It would make more sense to blame your parents for passing on the genes that made him sick than to blame a little boy who was left unsupervised with a boy who could go into grand mal seizures at the drop of a hat.”

But Sebastian is shaking his head quickly, looking close to another panic attack.

Blaine turns him roughly until they're facing, strong hands gripping his shoulders. “Sebastian, look at me. That little boy was sick. There was nothing you or any doctor could have done. It's horrible and it shouldn't have happened--no child should ever die--but under no circumstances should you have been left alone with him when it was only a matter of time before it happened.”

He presses a kiss to the trembling boy's forehead. “Baby, nothing about that was your fault. I need you to believe me about this. You were just a kid, Seb. And your parents are fucking heartless for ever letting you believe that you were at fault. Jesus, Seb, you should have been thrown into therapy right after that happened, because no one could ever be okay after going through something that traumatic.”

Silence drags on after Blaine finishes, Sebastian shifting to wrap his arms around Blaine's neck and cling there, whimpering brokenly as Kurt and Blaine run hands over his back to comfort. Finally, shattered and brittle, “They wouldn't even let me go to his funeral.”

The click of Kurt's jaw locking is audible. “What?” The word comes through gritted teeth.

“I didn't even get to say goodbye.”

After a few deep breaths, Kurt is able to count to ten and tamp down his rage. He rocks forward and kisses Sebastian on the lips. Hard. He able takes another breath and rests a hand on the boy's cheek. “I am so sorry, baby,” he breathes out, relaxing a little as Sebastian leans into the touch. An idea forms in his mind and he grimaces. “I have an idea that I think might help.”

“What is it?” Blaine asks, wiping away tears on Sebastian's face.

Kurt takes Sebastian's hands and soothes over the knuckles with his thumbs, sympathy in his voice. “We're going to have a funeral.”


	6. Chapter 6

That night, it takes over an hour before Sebastian is calm enough to sleep, even after taking a sleeping tablet and “something for his nerves”. Kurt ducks out to find Dr. Harris and leaves Blaine with their still-trembling boyfriend. When he comes back, Blaine is singing quietly as he holds Sebastian, and he's grateful to see that at least the trembling as stopped.

“You forgot to kiss him goodnight,” Blaine starts, kissing Sebastian's head.

Sebastian shifts until he's sitting. “I've gone too many nights without kissing you goodnight.” His words are a little slow and groggy from medicine as he reaches out toward Kurt. “And I'm not going to let it happen again if I can help it.” He pulls Kurt close and tilts his head up to kiss him, soft and full, and god, it's been so long since they've been able to have this. Kurt can't help but kiss him back, whining in the back of his throat as Sebastian's tongue teases over the seam of his lips before pulling away. “God, I miss you both so fucking much.” It comes out as a desperate whine.

Blaine lifts Sebastian's chin and kisses him indulgently. “Soon, baby.” He pets Sebastian's face, watching his eyelids flutter closed at his touch. “We'll bring you home soon.”

“It's been two months since the last time I was able to touch either of you or wake up with you. I just--” He stumbles. “God, I just love you so much and you've been so amazing and strong for me, and all I want is to be able to hold you and kiss you without the inevitability of a fucking nurse coming in to surreptitiously check to make sure that I haven't killed you or offed myself--” He takes a breath. “I miss you both and I want to go home, and it kills me that I can't.”

Kurt eases them both down until they're lying and wraps an arm around Seb's waist to pull him close as he stretches out behind him. He presses a kiss to Sebastian's hair. “Sweetheart, you're getting better. Today was huge. Even though it hurt, it's so important that it happened. You're remembering and dealing with the most traumatic event of your life. I am so proud of you, baby, and I know that it sucks, but this is helping you get better.” He kisses the back of Sebastian's neck. “And when you get better,” he murmurs, low and hot. “Blaine and I are going to take you to bed and show you just how proud we are.”

A familiar smirk tilts Sebastian's lips. “Is that so?”

Blaine darts a kiss to his lips and nods. “I for one plan to show you until I can't walk anymore.”

The words get a watery laugh. “I love you both so much,” Sebastian says by way of an answer, smiling warmly. “You're so perfect.”

“We know, baby,” Kurt answers, mock arrogance in his tone before he grins. “We love you, too. All that matters is that you get better and come home to us. Where you belong.”

Sebastian sighs and rests his head just below the curve of Blaine's shoulder, closing his eyes. “Stay with me until I fall asleep?”

Kurt presses in closer. “Of course, sweetheart. Always.”

\----------------

A late February storm is pummeling the Midwest with nearly six inches of snow an hour as Kurt drives down the dark, snow-covered road, Blaine's hand held tight in his own. Sebastian fell asleep five minutes after asking them to stay, completely drained after such an emotional day.

“What did Dr. Harris say about your idea?” Blaine asks, digging in a shopping bag before taking off his shirt in favor of putting on his work uniform polo. He nearly bangs his elbow on the window in the process. “Did he think it will help?”

Kurt yawns hugely. “Yeah. He said it was a good idea to help him work through his emotions and trauma.”

Blaine is shimmying into his uniform pants. “I just hate having to do this to him. And I knew his parents were assholes, but this...I just can't even fathom.”

“It was like torture. They tortured him because they needed someone to hold responsible,” Kurt whispers, voice low and sad. “God, I wanted to hold him and never let go. How could anyone do that to their own son?”

Blaine shakes his head sadly as Kurt stops the car outside Blaine's work. He kisses Kurt gently on the lips, hand resting, warm and grounding, on the side of his cheek. “Go home and sleep, baby,” he instructs in a soft whisper. “I worry about you.”

“Don't--”

“I'm still going to.” Blaine kisses his lips again. “It's my job. I'm your boyfriend.” He slides his thumb over the apple of Kurt's cheek. “Go to sleep, Kurt. I'll call a cab to get me when my shift is over.”

Kurt lets out a deep, tired breath. “I love you, Blaine.”

“I love you, too.” Another kiss. “Now go home and sleep.”

Kurt watches Blaine go through the automatic doors before pulling out of the lot, already making a list of all the things he needed to do tomorrow, sleep the furthest thing from his mind.

\----------------

Blaine and Sebastian lay in unbroken silence, watching the snow drifting lazily to the already white ground. Sebastian's fingers drag slow and thoughtful through the smaller boy's loose curls. (He hadn't been fooled when Blaine told him he'd just forgotten to gel it down this morning. Blaine never forgets. It broke Sebastian's heart because he knew Blaine didn't forget, he'd just been too exhausted to bother. He was running himself ragged.)

“Babe, you don't have to come see me every day. Especially with the weather like this.”

Blaine turns over and looks at his boyfriend with confused, tired--god, so tired--eyes. “Don't you want me here? I mean, I know Kurt's the one who's usually here during the day when I'm at school--”

“No, honey!” Sebastian is quick to dismiss. “I love that you're here and I wish you could stay with me all the time, but honey, you and Kurt can't can't afford the gas to drive from Lima to Columbus every day. That's ridiculous. And neither of you will let me pay for gas, and I know about the night you had to get a hotel because the roads were so bad.”

He takes a steadying breath because he feels himself starting to get worked up. “It just makes more sense money-wise to space out the visits. Instead of one of you being here every day, why don't both of you come here every third day or so.”

The words tear his throat as if they're made of broken glass as he says them. He has to take a deep breath and remind himself that his idea makes sense, that it's the only way to make sure the boys he loves aren't working themselves to death to see him.

“Seb, we're doing fine--”

“No. You're really not, babe. You go to school all day then drive two hours out of the way to come here--”

“You're not out of the way.”

Sebastian rolls his eyes but he's unable to keep the fondness from shining through. “Either way,” he continues. “You drive two hours to get here, stay for three hours, and then go to work until five in the morning. There's no way you're getting more than two and a half hours of sleep.”

“I only work Tuesdays and Thursdays and some weekends,” Blaine defends. “I can catch up on sleep.”

“But you don't!” He's a bit louder than he meant to be so he takes a breath and tries again. “Blaine, sweetheart, you can't do this. Neither of you can. You're working yourselves to death. Kurt works twelve hour days, for Christ's sake. He's in that damn car commuting more than he's able to be home or anywhere else. The only time he has to do his online coursework is when he's on break at work.”

“It's only going to be this tough until I graduate, but I'm sure you'll be home by then so--”

“So what, Blaine? You're both going to keep killing yourselves until I get out of here?”

Blaine shifts until he's sitting, taking Sebastian's hands as he sits up as well. “Or until I graduate...”

“Graduation is in May,” Sebastian points out sharply.

“Yes, but I talked to the guidance councilor at school and apparently, I already have enough credits to graduate, so I'm in the process of switching to online classes that run from March to May. Then I won't have to go to class anymore and will have more downtime.”

“Don't do this for me,” is all Sebastian can manage, overwhelmed by the lengths Blaine is going to just for him. “Please, baby.”

And all Blaine--beautiful, amazing, selfless Blaine--does is give him a small smile and a shrug before saying, “You're worth it.”

Sebastian starts to cry and wraps Blaine up in his arms, beyond all words.

\----------------

It's easy to see the tension in Sebastian's shoulders as he sits across from Blaine at lunch, a low roar of activity omnipresent in the cafeteria.

“Seb, we can go back to your room and eat,” Blaine suggests. “We don't have to stay here.”

Sebastian is distracted and a little fidgety. “No, babe. This is fine. I've just got a bit of a headache.” He picks up his bottle of water with his right hand and takes a drink. “I had another flashback last night so I didn't sleep so well.”

“I'm sorry, honey.” Blaine rubs Sebastian's arm. “More stuff about your brother?”

“No. This was...” He hesitates. “Different.”

“Different how?”

“I was older and I'm starting to think that the reason I don't remember things after I drink might not have anything to do with alcohol,” Sebastian says slowly.

“Travis?”

“I think so.” Sebastian nods. “I think that something bad happened in a bar or a party and I'm just blocking it out. There's so much shit I don't remember. I mean, it's not hard to guess, but still...”

They lapse into silence and Sebastian looks out the window thoughtfully and Blaine takes a bite of his hamburger and just watches Sebastian--the subtle upturn of his nose, the soft curve of his lips, the clean, dark line of the glasses that frame his intelligent green eyes.

(Not being able to wear his contacts had pissed Sebastian off, and for weeks, he refused to wear his glasses. He finally got sick of the headaches, swallowed his pride, and put on his glasses. Blaine wholeheartedly supported the decision. He always tells Seb that he looks like a hot college guy with his glasses on. Sebastian remains unconvinced.)

“You're beautiful, Seb,” Blaine states dreamily. Sebastian smiles, soft and warm, but doesn't turn away from the window. It's fine. Blaine's content to just look.

After a few quiet minutes, Sebastian reaches up with his left hand and removes his glasses, folding them up slowly and setting them on the table.

“Why'd you do that? You're going to get a headache,” Blaine chides gently.

“No, I won't. I'll get one if I wear them though. They're like looking through Coke bottles.” He looks around, appraising. “Ready to get out of here?”

Blaine nods and they walk back in relative silence. Blaine lets his hand bump against Sebastian's as a prompt, but he just moves away. He can't help but feel the bitter sting of rejection. Sebastian has never rejected him. Ever.

“Are you alright?” Blaine asks as he shuts the door, watching as Sebastian picks up the notebook on his nightstand and starts writing. He doesn't get a reply so he just watches as the hand holding the pen moves across the paper. Blaine's brow furrows. Sebastian has never written with his left hand. “Will you tell me who you are?”

He doesn't look up. “Travis.”

“And do you know who I am?”

“You are Sebastian's boyfriend, Blaine,” he says, letting the pen and notebook fall back to the bed. “You can come sit with me. I can sense that you're nervous.”

“I'm not.” It's a terrible lie.

Travis laughs and slides over to make room. “Yeah you are, but you don't have to be. Scout's honor.” He holds up two fingers on his right hand, smirking. “Come sit.”

“Fine.” Blaine cracks a smile and sits down beside the alter. “How old are you?”

“I am twenty-one,” he says, smiling flirtatiously and exuding easy charm and confidence. “And I enjoy long walks on the beach and boys with beautiful smiles.”

Blaine smiles hugely, blushing furiously and letting out an incredulous laugh. “Are you hitting on me?”

“Force of habit.” Another flirty smile. “Though I would love to see Sebastian try and kick my ass for it.” There's a warmth in Travis' eyes that helps to put Blaine at ease. “Don't worry, Blaine. You're safe with me. I'm totally hands-off.” He looks around for a second. “Where's Kurt?”

“He's out getting everything we'll need for the service.”

“Who are we servicing?”

“Travis.”

“Sorry.” He's not sorry. Concern touches his face. “Wait. Service...like...a funeral service?”

Blaine nods slowly. “Yeah. For Seb's brother.”

“Sebastian doesn't have a brother...”

“He died when Seb was young. The doctors think that that's what started making him create alters.” It's so surreal explaining this to Travis. “Kurt and I are hoping to give him some closure.”

“Wow,” is all Travis says.

“Not to be rude or anything, but why are you out?” Blaine asks, voice uncertain.

“Seb's worried about you. I read it in his journal. He's worried about Kurt, too, but Kurt can take care of himself.”

“Hey!” Blaine is affronted. “I can take care of myself, too.”

Travis just smirks. Their heads turn when there's a knock on the door.

“Hello, boys,” Nurse Dani says kindly. “Blaine, I brought you some coffee. You looked like a damn zombie when I saw you come in.”

Blaine laughs and takes the cup, his smile widening as Kurt comes to stand behind the nurse.

“Blaine?” Travis' voice comes from beside him so he turns to see him standing with an outstretched hand, reaching to take the styrofoam cup. “A few days ago, I saw her mix up pills into some guy's food. Let me see the cup.” Blaine lets him take it and watches him examine the cup and coffee with cynical eyes before lifting it to his lips and taking a tentative sip, pausing. His face relaxes. “It's okay.”

Kurt's grin is knowing. “Travis, I presume?”

The alter winks and goes back to sit on the bed.

\----------------

After a few minutes of shameless flirting and teasing, Travis brings Sebastian back out. Kurt kisses his boyfriend on the lips. “Welcome back, gorgeous.”

Sebastian smiles and reaches to take Kurt's hand, eyes flicking to the sheet of paper in his hand. “What's that?”

“I think I found the answer to our problems,” Kurt says, grinning as Blaine snatches the paper, brow furrowing as he reads it.

“Cleaning staff wanted?” he reads, confusion in his voice.

“That part's for me,” Kurt says, tapping the page. “Read below that.”

Sebastian steals the paper this time. “'Full or part time house keeper needed for new, privately owned hotel. Flexible schedule. Willing to provide accommodations at a discounted rate.”

“What are you thinking, Kurt?” Blaine wonders, curiosity in his voice.

“I take this job, you put in for a transfer to Columbus, and we have a place to stay without all the travel time,” Kurt answers proudly. “They're going to pay me twelve dollars an hour which is three dollars more than I make now.”

“Have you looked at this place?” Sebastian asks, ever practical.

Kurt hums in the affirmative. “It's really nice. The hotel itself is like a bunch of little apartments. Two bedrooms, a bathroom, living room, and a kitchen. It's for extended stay.”

“Then I say, do it,” Sebastian says with a nod, handing the paper back to Kurt and sitting back down on the bed.

“Really?” Blaine wonders and Sebastian nods again.

“It sounds like a good deal to me. Then I don't have to worry about you both driving back and forth every day. Since you both seem so dead set on being here, I think this is the best option.”

Blaine sits down and takes Sebastian's hands, holding his gaze seriously. “Seb, this is just as much your decision as it is Kurt's or my own. If you say no, we think of something else. We don't make decisions unless we all agree.”

Sebastian presses a kiss to the back of Blaine's hand. “Thank you, beautiful,” he says, quiet and adoring. “But I really do think you should go for it.”

“Alright then.” Kurt smiles and kisses Blaine and Sebastian in turn. “I'll go call the owner and let him know I'm interested. He said that if I wanted the job, we could move in whenever. I'll tell him I'll start at the end of the month.”

With another kiss to each boy, he dashes out of the room to make his phone call.

\----------------

He's gone less than fifteen minutes.

There's a low murmur of a hushed voice drifting through the open door and for a reason Kurt can't pinpoint, he's on edge, his skin prickling as he walks a little faster down the last short stretch of hallway.

A half step away from the door, he hears it--a shocked, pained, terrified whimper.

Blaine.

He rounds the corner into the room and bolts to where Sebastian--not Sebastian--has Blaine pinned to the wall, a hand clapped firmly over his mouth as he holds him there. Kurt doesn't waste a second thinking about the why? of it all, he just shoves the alter hard and by surprise. He stumbles away from Blaine, and Kurt forces himself between then. “Knock it off!”

X growls in frustration and shoves Kurt backwards into Blaine. “I'm getting really fucking sick of you!” It's low and dangerous. Without a parting glance, he stalks out of the room.

Blaine's body is trembling and Kurt lowers them both to the floor before Blaine's knees can give out. He pulls him close and kisses the top of his head. “You're okay, baby. Breathe.”

“Seb,” Blaine chokes out, not quite crying but still hysterical. “Make sure Seb's alright.”

And it would be just like Blaine to worry about that. “He's okay, honey. Did he hurt you?”

Blaine shakes his head, swallowing convulsively and gasping for breath. “No. But he was going to, and I couldn't make him stop. I couldn't hit him. He's still Sebastian, Kurt. I just--”

“Shh,” Kurt soothes Blaine's rushed panic. “It's okay. It's over.”

He looks up at the sound of approaching footsteps to see Sebastian--definitely Sebastian--freeze, confusion leaving his face in an instant and being replaced with pure rage as tortured green eyes settle on a visibly panicking Blaine. It's clear from the recognition in his eyes that Sebastian doesn't even have to ask.

“Fuck!” Sebastian's fist collides hard against the wall and Kurt winces at the sickening crunch of cracking bones. He's sure Sebastian doesn't feel the pain yet.

There's torture written plain across his features as tears start to fall.

Blaine raises both trembling arms in invitation toward Sebastian and with a choked sob, Sebastian collapses to the floor to be wrapped up in his boyfriends' arms, crying brokenly into Kurt's shoulder as Blaine clings to him hard enough to bruise.

It's silent for what feels like an eternity before Blaine speaks. “You would never hurt me, Sebastian.”

“I almost did.” Sebastian's voice is cold and lifeless in a way that crushes Kurt.

But Blaine continues. “No. You didn't. I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Sebastian whimpers, before, “I'm so fucking sorry.”

“You don't need to apologize.” Kurt kisses his forehead. “You're perfect.”

An hour later, they're in bed, Blaine and Sebastian passed out from the emotional crash. He misses how it feels to fall asleep with his boyfriends, to be in their arms and know that nothing can touch them. Instead, he watches, drinking in how small and beautiful Blaine looks with Sebastian, how perfectly he fits in the circle of his arms. No one could possibly protect Blaine better than Sebastian.

He brushes a lock of hair--darker now from the lack of sunlight--from Sebastian's forehead. “I love you so much. Please get better so we can bring you home where you belong.” It was barely a reverent whisper.

Silence stretches on for almost an hour, with Kurt just watching and enjoying the closeness, when he sees it happen. Sebastian's features harden, his shoulders tense, and his entire energy changes. Sebastian is gone.

Kurt sets his jaw. “He's getting stronger,” he says quietly, prompting, goading.

“I'm stronger,” is the response he gets, quiet and smug.

“Blaine and I will never let you hurt him.”

X smiles, sick and cruel. “I do so love a challenge.”

With another smile, he disappears, Sebastian's face relaxing back into the peaceful calm of sleep and Kurt chokes on a sob when Sebastian cuddles closer into Blaine's side, nuzzling his curls unconsciously.

When they have to leave half an hour later, Kurt kisses Sebastian on the lips and reminds him a bit too seriously that he loves him. He takes Blaine's hand and walks out the door with a feeling of sick dread in his heart.

\----------------

The jarring sound of banging on the door jolts Kurt awake. He opens bleary eyes to read 1:43 A.M. illuminated in red next and he jumps again as Blaine sits up and rubs his eyes. “What's going--”

“Kurt! Blaine! Get up!”

The entire scene is like a dream, but the next words were an ice cold slap of reality.

More banging followed by, “Dude, you guys gotta get up!” Finn's panicked voice comes through the door. “They're taking Sebastian to the emergency room! He tried to kill himself again!”


	7. Chapter 7

“Blaine, I can't do this again,” Kurt argues, closing the door to Sebastian's hospital room and rubbing his tired eyes. “I can't be so far away again if something happens. We've been driving back and forth for a week.” Kurt lets out a deep breath and takes Blaine's hands. “Honey, between getting you to and from school and work, getting myself to work and getting everything in order, I haven't slept for more than two hours this week.”

Blaine nods and squeezes Kurt's hands. “What do you want to do, baby?” He sounds exhausted. “Do you want to move in tonight? We've got the key.”

It has been exhausting and it's easy to see the toll it's taking on Kurt. His eyes are sunken and bloodshot. He looks miserable. Though, Blaine thinks, he's sure he doesn't look much better. It's hard not to be miserable when his boyfriend is laid up in a hospital bed after he tried (and very nearly succeeded at) killing himself.

Sebastian has been out of ICU for three days and the doctors are going to send him back to the facility in the morning, but the fact remains unchanged. While he and Kurt were two hours away, the doctors had been trying to save Sebastian's life. Two hours is simply too far. Hell, Blaine doesn't even remember the car ride to the hospital but he knows Kurt had to be going at least eighty miles per hour on the highway.

They've waited to move for as long as they can and they both know it.

Kurt sighs heavily and nods. It's not particularly ideal, but what about this situation is? “When I drop you off at work, I'll get the car packed. Do you think you can skip school for a day so we can get moved in?”

“Of course, Kurt,” Blaine answers, quiet as a whisper. Kurt nods and starts to walk away but Blaine pulls him back. “Come here.” Kurt turns and lets Blaine envelop him in his arms, sighing as he rests his head on Blaine's shoulder. “It's okay, sweetheart,” Blaine soothes, resting a hand on Kurt's back. “I know this is bad, but we'll get through it because of you. Seb and I would be completely lost without you. Hell, if it was just me dealing with all this, I'd have cracked months ago.”

He nudges Kurt's shoulder with the heel of his hand until Kurt rocks back on his heels and is looking at him with suspiciously bright blue eyes that never fail to take Blaine's breath away. “You are so strong, Kurt. I love you so much.”

Kurt frames Blaine's face and kisses him, full and deep, tears sliding down his cheeks. When he pulls away, it's with a soft wet sound and almost imperceptible whine. All Kurt can answer is, “Thank you.”

Hearing the words come from Blaine's lips is enough to pick him up and give him the strength to move forward. He hasn't even had time to sit down and just breathe for almost a week, and he feels about two seconds away from just falling to the ground and screaming but he can't, because he knows that Blaine and Sebastian are depending on him.

Blaine leans forward and kisses him on the lips, soft and chaste. “I'm going to call into work. You're not doing this on your own, sweetheart. We're going to get the bags to the apartment and then we're going to go to sleep, okay? Sebastian is here and everything is fine now. The worst is over. We're not doing anyone any good here right now.”

“God, I hate to leave him here.” Kurt looks over his shoulder toward Sebastian's door and Blaine's hand slides down his arm to take his hand.

“He's asleep, Kurt,” he says sagely. “He's going to be asleep until morning and then they're taking him back to the facility. There's nothing we can do until tomorrow afternoon except sit and worry, and I think we've done enough of that to last us a lifetime.” He squeezes Kurt's hand. “Hey, Kurt, look at me,” he prompts, turning Kurt's face with the pads of his fingers. “Baby, there is nothing we can do right now, and I know that kills you--it kills me, too--but that's the way it is.”

There are tears in Kurt's voice. “We almost lost him, Blaine.”

“But we didn't,” Blaine returns quickly before pausing and stroking Kurt's cheek. “Honey, Sebastian is in there, alive and well. You kissed him goodnight and told him you loved him just like I did, and I know it's not going to stop you from worrying, but he is safe, Kurt.” Kurt is crying in earnest now and Blaine pulls him into another hug, feeling Kurt's body wilt against his own. “It's okay, honey.”

It's all Blaine can offer because he knows that Kurt needs this. He needs to break down in order to process everything that's happened. He's been going non-stop since they got the call that Sebastian was being taken to the hospital, and he hasn't taken any time to think about it, he's just pushed through to be the pillar of strength that he always is, refusing to show any cracks. Blaine ushers them awkwardly into the nearby waiting room--empty with the lateness of the hour--and drops them both on a small couch.

He pulls Kurt against his side and murmurs into his ear. “He's okay, Kurt. Everything is going to be okay.”

Kurt just clutches the front of his shirt as he cries into his collar. And Blaine lets him.

\----------------

He doesn't wake Kurt up when they get back to Lima. Even though he knows that Kurt is going to be pissed, he cracks the window of the passenger's seat and lets him sleep as he goes inside to grab some of their things to load into the Navigator. They only have a few big bags, so he figures that, if he can carry a superhuman amount on each trip, he'll only need to make three. The hope is that he can get all the bags loaded into the car without waking Kurt.

Again, Kurt will be pissed, but he honestly doesn't care. Kurt's asleep for the first time in days and Blaine is hell-bent on keeping it that way.

With Finn's help, he manages to carry all of their things to the car in one trip, even if Finn doesn't understand the meaning of the words, “Put it carefully in the trunk.” The car shakes but Kurt only stirs a little before nuzzling closer to the hoodie he's using for a pillow. Blaine sighs in relief and shuts the hatch carefully before dusting his hands off on his jeans and turning toward Finn.

“Thanks, man, I owe you for waking up at almost midnight to help me load bags in the car,” Blaine says honestly but Finn waves his hand in dismissal.

“Nah, I know how much Kurt's been freaking out. He needs to sleep.” Finn's voice is more serious than Blaine can really ever remember hearing it and his brow is creased with worry. “I know you don't like to talk about it or anything, but is he gonna like--you know--get better?”

Blaine takes a deep breath and lets it out in a sigh. “I know it may not look like it because of all the things that have happened recently, but he is getting better. He's remembering things that have happened in the past, really bad things, and it's been hard for him. Imagine thinking that your life was one way only to wake up one morning to find out that you actually experienced something so traumatic that your body went into self-preservation mode to block it out.”

“Man...” Finn breathes, rubbing at the back of his neck. “I didn't know. He seemed like a pretty normal guy to me--”

“He is normal, Finn. He's just been having a really hard time lately coming to terms with what happened in his past, but he's getting there.” Blaine pauses and kicks at a loose gravel in the driveway before looking up to meet Finn's concerned gaze. “He's still the same Sebastian. He's an argumentative pain in the ass who makes shamelessly lewd comments just because he can. Nothing has changed.”

Finn nods and rests a hand on Blaine's shoulder. “I really hope he gets better soon.”

“Thank you, Finn. I'll tell him you said so.” Blaine's voice is earnest and quiet. He extends a hand toward Finn. “I really appreciate everything you've done for us.”

Finn takes his hand and shakes it. “Don't worry about it. That's what a brother is for.” Blaine tries a small smile as Finn claps him on the back. “Now you'd better get down the road before Kurt wakes up and tries to kill us both for doing this without him.”

Blaine does laugh at that. “Yeah.” He rubs the back of his neck nervously and nods toward Finn before making his way to the driver's side of the car. Finn watches as he pulls out of the driveway.

When he stops at a red light, he turns to look at Kurt, face relaxed in sleep with his head resting on Blaine's favorite hoodie and covered from the waist up by Blaine's jacket draped over him like a blanket, and the way the streetlight plays off his skin makes Blaine's heart ache. He's never seen anyone more beautiful than Kurt and he aches down to the core to protect him from all of the badness in the world, to make everything that's ever made him cry disappear.

But he can't.

He wants to wrap Kurt in his arms and give him everything he's ever wanted. To keep him safe, sound, and happy.

But he can't. At least, not right now. For now, he has to take his own advice and go with the flow, because there's nothing anyone can do. For now, they have to take the little victories.

He wants to give Kurt everything he's ever needed and right now, he's letting Kurt sleep. And that, he thinks, is as good a place to start as any. He reaches across the console and takes his boyfriend's hand where it rests on his knee. The light turns green and Blaine settles into his seat and turns onto the highway.

\----------------

“Sebastian, can you tell me what you were thinking when you attempted?” Dr. Harris asks, shifting in his chair and adjusting his notepad on his knee.

“I was almost asleep and I felt X taking over my head and trying to come out. I did everything I was supposed to and tried to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen. And then it was like it usually is when he comes out--It's like I'm watching what I'm doing but I can't control it. It's like a movie or something.” Sebastian rubs the back of his neck and sighs, staring down at the bandages on his wrists. “And then it felt like I was passing out and I woke up in the hospital hooked up to machines with people telling me that I almost died.”

The doctor nods. “And you don't remember anything about actually attempting?”

“No.”

“Were you having suicidal thoughts before you felt your alter taking over?”

Sebastian shakes his head. “I would never do anything like that.”

“Sebastian, may I speak to X, please?” the doctor asks and Sebastian shakes his head.

“No. I don't want to let him out. He's quiet today.” He swallows thickly and shakes his head again.

Dr. Harris sets his notepad aside and leans forward. “I know that you're scared to let him out, Sebastian, but it's very safe here. If I can't talk to him, we won't know what he truly wants, what his purpose is.”

“His purpose is to fucking kill me,” Sebastian snaps.

“It goes deeper than that. There has to be a deeper motivation behind his actions, and if we don't find out what it is, then we won't be able to make him stop.” The doctor sounds sure and he takes a deep breath. “You don't need to be afraid. I have every confidence that you will be one-hundred percent safe.”

Sebastian looks unhappy but his posture softens.

“Can you see if he'll come out, please?”

“Fine.” Sebastian closes his eyes and takes a breath. “I can't.” He pauses and tries again. “He knows what you're trying to do and he won't come out.” When Sebastian speaks again, it's to himself. “No, I don't care. You're not coming within ten feet of them again.”

“Sebastian?”

Sebastian opens his eyes. “He says he'll only come out if Kurt and Blaine are here. He's just doing it to be an asshole. I don't--”

“Then let's get them in here.”

“What?” Sebastian is affronted. “No fucking way.”

The doctor smiles as though he's had an epiphany. “He just made a deal with you. If he's willing to compromise, then maybe he is willing to be cooperative.”

“The last time he was out, he tried to hurt Blaine and that is not okay.” Sebastian crosses his arms and shakes his head again. “Unless you can promise me that they'll be completely safe and I'll be entirely restrained, no way.”

“We can put you in restraints, though I don't think it's necessary,” the doctor says, but Sebastian won't budge. “Alright. Let's get them in here.”

Luck would have it that Kurt and Blaine were on their way in the building when Kurt's phone rang. They climbed in the elevator and went straight to where Sebastian was waiting in the therapist's office.

“Hi, sweetheart,” Kurt says, his eyes taking in the image of Sebastian sitting with his arms and legs restrained to a chair. “Why are you all strapped down?”

“X said he'd only come out to talk to Dr. Harris if you and Blaine were in the room. I think he was just saying it to be a dick, but the doctor wants to call his bluff,” Sebastian answers unhappily.

Kurt kisses the top of his head and sits down in a nearby chair as Blaine rests his hand on Sebastian's shoulder. “But that still doesn't explain this.” He points to the arm restraint.

“This was my compromise. I'll only let him out around you if I can trust that he won't try and hurt you again. And right now, I don't trust him.” Sebastian nods his head. “Okay. Let's get this over with.”

Dr. Harris takes his seat and greets Kurt and Blaine before picking up his notepad and nodding toward Sebastian. Sebastian closes his eyes. It takes less than a second before he shakes his head. “Not until I can trust you.”

Kurt casts a glance toward the doctor who is intently watching the scene.

It is mesmerizing to watch someone have an entire conversation in his head.

Sebastian shakes his head. “Not the arms. I'll have them undo the leg restraints but if you do anything, I swear to god, I'll have them keep me completely restrained for a week.” There's a beat of silence before Sebastian's voice comes back, sure. “Yes, I can do that. Just you watch.” Another second of silence. “Fine.”

He opens his eyes and sighs. “He's pissed because he'd be in restraints. I told him that I'll let him out of the leg restraints and that if he doesn't try anything, he could come out of the arm restraints when Kurt said it was okay.”

“Me?” Kurt asks, his voice coming out higher in surprise.

Sebastian shrugs and a small but genuine smile touches his face. “I guess he knows who runs the show.”

“If he's not going to take this seriously and honestly answer our questions, there's no point in him coming out,” Kurt says forcefully and Sebastian nods.

“He's serious.”

Kurt reaches over to squeeze Sebastian's hand for comfort, receiving another small smile before Sebastian closes his eyes and Kurt pulls his hand away. Dr. Harris undoes the leg restraints and returns to his chair. He clears his throat before addressing the alter.

“Are you going to cooperate?” he asks sternly.

X nods, but his bitter resignation is written clearly on his face. “I'll tell you what you want to know.”

“What is your purpose?”

“I hate Sebastian. He's hurt us over and over with his actions. He hurts us and he hurts others. He has no control over his own life and just lets people run over the top of him. He is weak. He let his brother die, he was too stupid not to let himself get roofied like a drunk girl at a party and fucked into oblivion, and he was too weak to stand up to his father.” The words are cold and cutting and strictly business, sounding very much like they were being read from a list.

Kurt turns to the side. “That doesn't tell us your purpose.”

“He has no control, so I am the one who took control of his life. He hurt us so I'm going to hurt him. It's justice. I'm not a bad person. I just want to give him what he deserves. He never tried to take control of his life and ended up hurting everyone.”

Blaine shakes his head. “He's not the person you think he is. Sebastian is an amazing person and none of those things were his fault. It's not that he didn't take control. When Matthew died, Sebastian was just a little kid, he couldn't have saved him. And as far as getting drugged, he was young. He didn't know to check his drink.”

“And what the fuck would you know about it, you privileged little rich boy?” X snaps.

“Because the money my parents have has nothing to do with the facts. A little boy was left alone with a child who could go into a seizure and die at any moment. How is that his fault when his parents were the ones who were irresponsible enough to leave him alone? They fucked with his head and convinced him that it was his fault, but it wasn't and you know it!”

“Then he should have stood up to them instead of being a weak little bitch and just taking it!”

Blaine is on his feet and shouting now. “He wasn't a 'weak little bitch' he was a little boy who had just lost his baby brother. He had so much guilt inside of him and he internalized it just like all little kids do and made it easy for his father to convince him that he as the one at fault. None of this is Sebastian's fault!”

X crosses his feet at the ankles and glares down at the floor. Kurt clears his throat and squeezes Blaine's shaking hand. He takes a deep breath and addresses the alter. “You hate Sebastian. You say and write the most vile things, and you'll yell at Blaine and try to hurt him,” he starts. “But you'll talk to me. Why?”

Silence stretches on and Kurt prompts again. “You said that you'd answer our questions. I'm not going to yell at you or anything. I just want to find out why.”

“I hated you,” X answers simply before turning to face Kurt, anger still in his eyes. “You have everything I've ever wanted and I hated you for it.”

“What do I have?” Kurt asks, hoping to keep X talking.

“Everything. Family, confidence, and control in everything you do. If you want something, you get it.”

The doctor cuts in. “And you take control of Sebastian's life by trying to end it?”

X nods. “It's the best way. He hurts people--”

“No, he doesn't,” Kurt breaks in. “You're the only one who has hurt people. Sebastian has a life and is trying his hardest to take control of it. But he can't get control when you keep putting him in the hospital. You're the one who is making him feel hopeless.”

Kurt takes a deep breath and nods to the doctor. “Will you take him out of the rest of his restraints, please?”

X turns his head to look at Kurt, a look of surprise on his face. “Really?” It seems to come out before he has a chance to stop it.

“Yes. I'd like to talk to you like a civilized human being and I can't do that if you're strapped to a chair, but if you try anything, like Sebastian said, I'll have you strapped down for a week.”

The alter rolls his eyes but nods. “I won't.”

Dr. Harris undoes the restraints and Kurt gestures toward an empty spot on the couch. “You can sit with us if you're willing to cooperate and listen.”

“It depends on what I'm going to have to do,” X says, crossing his arms. “How do I know you're not going to try and screw me over?”

Kurt's lifts his chin. “It seems like we're just going to have to trust each other. Can I trust you?”

There's silence for a moment before X speaks in a clipped tone. “Tell me what you want first.”

“Fine,” Kurt says, crossing his arms. “I want you to stop hurting Sebastian. If you give him a chance to control his own life, he'll do it. But he can't if you're constantly trying to end it.” Kurt's words are stinging and bitter. “If it's control you're after, that's how you can exhibit it. Knowing that you have full power to try and end his life, but not using it.”

X says nothing, contemplating, so Kurt tries again. “If you have any respect for me, you'll do this. I know that you know that I have Sebastian's best interests at heart and I don't really think that you believe that he is at fault for everything you say he is. I think that you're just scared and grasping for any facet of Sebastian's existence that you can control.”

“You can't know that,” X snaps, but he swallows convulsively before falling into silence. “What do I get if I agree to this?”

“We'll listen to you. When we can trust that you're not trying to hurt Sebastian or us, Blaine and I will listen to you. We'll talk to Sebastian about trying to give you the answers to the questions that you have, because if you keep hurting him, he's not going to. He's going to cut you off and the only way you're going to have to communicate is to come out, and even then, if you keep hurting everyone, you're going to be restrained,” Kurt states diplomatically.

“And stop scaring Skylar,” Blaine cuts in.

X shakes his head. “I only scare Skylar because I hurt Sebastian. The kid worships him.”

“Then he must be doing something right,” Blaine says, prompting. “If Skylar looks up to him then he must be okay. They say that kids and dogs will only gravitate toward good people.”

X sits in silence for a moment before breathing out a resigned sigh and standing up. He keeps his eyes locked on Kurt as he moves to the couch and sits down beside him. “What do you want?”

Kurt shifts until he's facing the alter. “Please, please stop hurting Sebastian. You're not doing yourself any favors by making us and him distrust you.” X nods so Kurt continues. “If you want to hurt Sebastian, talk to him. Tell him why you hate him and work with him. You want him to be a better person and that's not going to happen unless you talk to him. Just hurting him isn't solving anything. And if you kill him, you'll be dead too.”

“Is that all?” X asks, seeming to grow a bit irritated with compromise.

“That's all for now,” Kurt answers with a nod. “Can Sebastian hear us?”

“Yes. He's annoyingly close.” The alter rolls his eyes. “He knows the deal. Can I go?”

Kurt stands up and extends his hand. “I want your word that you won't try to hurt or kill him again. Shake my hand and promise me. I know you want control and we're willing to let you have it, but on Sebastian's terms. You work with him.”

“Fine,” X answers, extending his hand toward Kurt to shake. “Can I go now? Sebastian wants to come back out and apparently we're a team now.” X rolls his eyes.

Blaine reaches over to shake X's hand. “Thank you.”

“I didn't do it for you. I'm sick of being strapped down to a fucking table and if this is how I get out of that, then fine. But I didn't do it for you,” he snaps, but he shakes Blaine's hand anyway before closing his eyes.

When he opens them again, the hard planes of his face have relaxed to resemble Sebastian's comparatively boyish features. They'd all but forgotten that Dr. Harris was in the room until he clears his throat.

“Sebastian, did X tell you what just happened?” he asks, still scribbling notes down on his notepad.

Sebastian gives the man a small smile. “Yeah. I was watching. He said he's not going to hurt me anymore.”

“You have to keep up your end of the deal, too. He agreed to stop harming you if you listened to him and came to an agreement with him,” the doctor reminds, setting his pen and pad aside and standing up. “You're free to go. I think we've done more than enough for today.”

Blaine takes Sebastian's hand and the three of them file out of the office. The moment they're outside the room, Blaine throws his arms around Sebastian's neck, his eyes suspiciously bright. “I can't believe that just happened!”

“Let's just take things one step at a time,” Sebastian cautions, dropping a kiss to the top of Blaine's hair. “He's going to have to make me trust him and that's going to take awhile. He tried to hurt you, Blaine, and that's not something I intend to let happen again.”

Kurt squeezes Sebastian's hand. “Then I want you to tell him that. Come up with a list of demands that you have and tell him to do the same. Make it like a contract.”

“That's what I was thinking,” Sebastian says, scratching his head. “I think I'll do it when it's quiet. It's easier to just focus on listening to them when I can really dedicate time to it, where I can talk to myself and not have people staring at me like a side-show freak.”

They meet the nurse assigned to escort Sebastian and follow her through the heavy wooden doors and into the now familiar room. She smiles as he takes her leave and Sebastian throws himself backwards on the bed, sighing and rubbing at his eyes as Blaine lays down next to him. “What's the matter, sweetheart?”

“Just tired,” he breathes out, shifting closer to Blaine and wrapping his arm around the smaller boy's shoulders to pull him flush against his side. “But I haven't gotten to be with either of you like this in a week, so I don't really want to waste any of the time sleeping.”

Kurt sits down and rests his hand on Sebastian's knee. “If you're tired, sleep, Sebastian,” he chastises. “Blaine and I will still be here when you get up.”

“I've got a better idea,” Sebastian says with a crooked smile. He reaches out and pulls Kurt down beside him. It takes a bit of maneuvering but eventually they all fit somewhat comfortably and Sebastian kisses Kurt on the tip of his nose. “Since you both look absolutely dead on your feet, I've decided that you're going to sleep with me.”

Kurt laughs out a disbelieving sound. “Oh, you've decided that, huh?”

Sebastian hums out in the affirmative.

“Well, I'm not going to argue with him,” Blaine says sleepily, nuzzling against Sebastian's chest. “We haven't all shared a bed to sleep in months.”

And really, Kurt doesn't want to argue either, so after a bit of obligatory halfhearted protesting, he relents and lets Sebastian pull him against his side and kiss the top of his hair. All three are out cold within minutes.

They sleep until the nurse comes to tell them that visiting hours are over. With a quick kiss each to their still sleeping boyfriend's forehead, Kurt and Blaine leave, feeling like they're finally able to breathe.


	8. Chapter 8

Kurt is cross-legged on the floor surrounded by scattered empty bags. He drags his hand through his hair with a frustrated huff and sighs.

“Blaine?” he calls through the apartment, receiving a 'what?' of acknowledgment from the bathroom at the end of the hall. “Where is that little box of Seb's things? I can't find it.” He unfolds his legs and pushes off the floor, continuing as he walks toward the bathroom. “I know I packed it, and I have to take it out of that wooden box before I bring it, but--”

He breaks off when he sees Blaine tying his bowtie in the mirror. It's nothing he hasn't seen hundreds of times, but for some reason, he's utterly captivated by it today. It's mundane, normal, and oddly domestic, and he feels almost stupid for the way his lips quirk up into a warm smile.

Blaine turns, still worrying his tie. “I was listening,” he prompts easily, before an amused, “Kurt?”

And that's when he realizes why he was so struck by such a trivial thing. It isn't that Blaine is getting ready; it's that he's getting ready in their apartment. He feels the idiot grin on his face but doesn't care enough to stop smiling.

“You're staring,” Blaine accuses, light, teasing, and Kurt wraps his arms around the smaller boy's waist and hooks his chin over his shoulder, having no intention of sharing the reason behind the absolutely love-drunk smile he sees reflected back at himself in the mirror.

Instead, he presses a kiss to the side of Blaine's neck with a contented hum. “I was just noticing that you look very handsome today,” he says with another soft kiss to Blaine's neck. Blaine relaxes into Kurt's arms with a soft sigh.

“I love being here with you,” he says, voice soft and comfortable. “I know it's not perfect because Seb isn't here, but being here, with you, it feels like a start, y'know?”

He does know. “He'll be here soon, baby,” Kurt soothes, feeling for the first time as though the words might actually be true.

Apparently, Blaine feels the same, because he turns in Kurt's arms and stretches up to press a soft kiss to his lips. “I can't wait.” There's a beat of silence before Blaine kisses him again, quick and soft. “And I put the box of Seb's things on top of the dresser in the shoebox you set out.”

Kurt smiles gently and squeezes Blaine. “Thank you, sweetheart.” He pulls back and lets himself really look at Blaine--all warm smiles and bedroom eyes--and kisses him again. “You really do look amazing today.”

Blaine's answering smile is absolutely dazzling.

\----------------

The devious tilt to Sebastian’s smile makes Kurt stop a half-step through the door. “What did you do?”

“Me?” Sebastian returns, taking mock offense at the accusation. His eyes are sparkling with mischief. “Why, Kurt, I'd never--”

“Sebastian.”

His grin stretches wider and he shrugs casually. “I think I may have scarred one of the 'accept Jesus' people for life today...”

Kurt tries to stifle a laugh but fails miserably. Blaine just looks confused. They cross the room to sit next to Sebastian and Blaine prompts him to continue.

“It was his fault,” Sebastian defends, smirking. “He came in here being all judgey, saying that I needed to accept Jesus because I was possessed by demons or some shit--”

“And I'm sure you politely disagreed and parted ways cordially,” Kurt teases.

Sebastian tries to hide his grin and shrugs noncommittally. “You might not believe it, babe, but I did try. I told him really politely that I wasn't interested, because he was just doing his job, y'know, but then he started being a total dick about it, so I stopped playing nice.”

“What did you do, Sebastian?” Blaine asks with wide eyes.

“Okay, first of all, I'm going to expect a thank you for defending your honor like I did,” he starts, and Kurt rolls his eyes fondly and takes Sebastian's hand. Sebastian slides his thumb over Kurt's knuckles unthinkingly as he continues. “So, the guy came in and told me that I was always going to be sick if I didn't give my life to God. I told him really politely that I disagreed and that I wasn't interested. But then he gave me this pamphlet full of pseudo-scientific, religious psychobabble and I started to get pissed off because he shouldn't be going around fucking with sick people's minds--especially in a place like this.”

Kurt squeezes Sebastian's hand to center him. Apparently it works because he's calmer when he continues. “But he just kept saying that Jesus would cure me of my demons and I wouldn't be lonely anymore. So I told him that I already had three people inside me trying to tell me how to live my life and that I damn sure didn't need another one, and that he shouldn't assume that just because I'm shut up in a nuthouse that I'm alone and forgotten.”

“Because you're not,” Blaine pipes in. Sebastian smiles and leans over to kiss him.

“I know, beautiful,” he answers, voice warm, before shaking his head. “But a lot of people in here are and he's playing on that in order to get converts. Anyway,” His voice perks up, clearly getting to his favorite part of the story. “He looked around and saw this picture--” He points to the photo taped to the wall at eye level with Sebastian's pillow. It's a picture of Kurt and Blaine playfully kissing on Kurt's last birthday. It's Sebastian's favorite.

“And he asked who it was so I told him that it was a picture I took of my boyfriends. His eyes got the size of saucers, so I kept talking. I told him how we've been together for over a year and that I wasn't getting better because Jesus was guiding me like a lost lamb, that the reason I'm getting better is because of the love and support you both have given me.”

Sebastian shrugs noncommittally but his eyes are warm. “I told him that it wasn't God who saved me when I cut my wrists and swallowed a fistful of sleeping pills, it was you two, so he could keep Jesus, and I'd keep you.”

“What'd he say to that?” Kurt asks breathily, moved.

“He said that I'd never be cured of my demons and my sin if I didn't accept Jesus, so I told him that, given the choice, I was going to choose the pretty boys who let me kiss them, over the invisible man in the sky who's never done a damn thing for me and who let an innocent little boy be born sick and then die before he ever had a chance to live.”

His voice is strong and even. “And if God, does exist and lets shit like that happen, then I'm not so sure I want anything to do with him anyway. Then he said something like, 'The lord can give you salvation.' So, I told him that you two were probably going to bring me coffee and that I wanted that more than eternal salvation.”

Blaine laughs out a breathless sound. “You're unbelievable, Sebastian. Absolutely amazing.”

“Yeah well, he didn't seem to think so. He got really flushed and told me that he was going to prey on my soul--”

“Pray for your soul, Sebastian,” Blaine laughs, though he's sure Sebastian's turn of phrase was entirely intentional. Kurt does his best to stifle a giggle and Sebastian just shrugs, smirking deviously.

He waves a dismissive hand toward Blaine, his eyes sparkling with evident amusement. “Same thing. Either way, he left in a big hurry.”

“You're pretty pleased with yourself, aren't you?” Kurt asks, his lips quirking up. He's rewarded with a heartbreaking smile. And God, he's missed Sebastian being like this: Cocky, smug, and even a bit of a jackass.

It's the boy he fell in love with.

Sebastian shifts and tilts his head a bit. “He shouldn't be trying to screw with people's heads in a place like this. It's not right. Some of these people are desperate for any scrap of affection and he's playing on that. It's totally unethical.”

“Sebastian Smythe, moral authority and master of the ethical code,” Kurt teases and Sebastian straightens up, preening.

“Well,” he starts haughtily. “I try not to brag--”

Blaine barks out a laugh. “You don't succeed.”

Another blinding smile lights up Sebastian's face before it softens into something warm and fond. “And now that I've regaled you with the story of my morning, I think it's time you showed me what's in that shoebox you're trying to hide behind your back.”

Kurt and Blaine shift anxiously, neither wanting to be the one to dampen Sebastian's mood when it's so rare to see him in such good spirits. He reaches out and rests a warm hand on Blaine's leg; his smile hasn't dimmed. “I know you're both nervous, but I know that I'm okay today.”

He kisses both boys on the lips. “I promised that I wouldn't keep anything from you, and I meant that. If I wasn't okay enough to handle this, I swear I'd tell you that. But I know I can handle this.”

Blaine rocks forward and kisses Sebastian full and lingering, only pulling away to whisper an awestruck, “I love you so much,” before kissing him again.

When they finally break apart, Blaine shifts into Sebastian's side and wraps an arm around the small of his back as Kurt sets the shoebox between them and starts explaining. “Since your last trip to the hospital, the doctor doesn't think that our idea for a funeral is in your best interest anymore, and Blaine and I agree.” Sebastian nods his own agreement so Kurt continues.

“So...” he drawls, tapping on the lid of the box. “Instead, we're going to do it this way.” He takes the lid off the box and dumps its contents onto the bed.

There's not much inside the box--just a few pictures, a smooth, flat stone, a newspaper clipping, and a few other odds and ends. It looks very much like the keepsake box of an eight year old kid.

Sebastian picks up the stone, turning it over in his fingers and staring at it as though it holds some great mystery. “I taught Matthew how to skip rocks with this stone. He thought it was so cool that I could do that, so one day, I got a few flat rocks from the driveway and showed him how to skip them across the pool. Being like four years old, this was the only one he actually managed to skip, and he made me jump in the pool and get it. He always kept it in his pocket because he said it was his lucky rock.”

His voice is calm and easy, as though he's talking about something with no more weight than a discussion of the weather. Kurt takes his hand. “What do you feel?”

“I feel like, I know the stone means a lot to me, but it's like...I'm not emotional even though I know I should be. I mean, I remember the memory and it makes me happy, but I don't feel the pain of remembering him that I know I should have. It's like it's locked away, like someone took it from me.”

Kurt nods. “I read online that would happen.” Sebastian rolls his eyes and mutters something about feeling like a research project, but Kurt continues anyway. “Which is why...”

“You want me to work with Skylar,” Sebastian finishes. He shakes his head. “He doesn't like to talk about it.”

Blaine shifts closer. “Baby, I think the reason he hasn't opened up or connected with you again is because of the way you reacted when he shared what he remembered about how Matthew died. It's so strange, but he adores you, Seb. He thinks you hung the sun and the moon, and I think he's got a misguided sense of duty that makes him hold onto his secrets and your pain because he thinks that he's protecting you,” Blaine says quietly. “He'd rather let himself suffer than hurt you.”

Sebastian seems to think about that for a minute. “He barely tries to talk to me anymore.”

“Have you tried talking to him?” Kurt wonders.

“Once. I know he's been out though. He writes stories in the journal.” Sebastian's brow creases with concern. “You really think he feels guilty for sharing the memory?”

Kurt nods. “I really think he does.”

“What if I wrote him a thank you letter and left it for him to find?” Sebastian asks thoughtfully. “God, I didn't even think about that. It's so easy with Travis because he's shared pretty much everything, and I can fill in the blanks from there. Travis always just comes out with it, so I never even considered that Skylar might not be the same way,” he muses before trailing off into a thoughtful silence.

He picks up a picture off the bed and smiles softly at the image. “I remember that I loved him. I was so proud to be his big brother. All the adults told me that he wasn't normal and that he was special needs, but I never saw him like that. He was always just Matthew to me. I always let him do things mom and dad wouldn't let him do. I didn't know why he couldn't have a bike, I just knew I didn't want him to feel left out, so I let him ride on the pegs of mine.”

Blaine squeezes Sebastian's hand. “You were a good big brother, sweetheart. I know how it feels to be the left out little brother. It's awful. You were probably the only person who ever tried to let him have a normal childhood. And, coming from experience, I can tell you that the time you spent with him, letting him do normal things, probably meant everything to him.”

Sebastian wraps Blaine in a hug, resting his head in the crook of the smaller boy's neck. “Thank you, baby.” He presses a kiss to the nearest patch of exposed skin. He pulls out of the embrace, but he holds Blaine close as he turns back until he's facing forward again. “I'm about to do something that I typically despise, but that I really need to do.”

He takes a deep breath. “You know that I'm not a big fan of making maudlin declarations of my love and devotion--I'm more of a 'find a way to show you I love you so you never forget' kind of person--but I've had a lot of time to think and reflect lately, and I just need to tell you this, okay?”

Kurt and Blaine both nod, more than a little shocked, because no, Sebastian most certainly not prone to overly sentimental outpourings of affection. He has a way of conveying his love so simply with every smile, touch, and kiss to the point that, when he says, 'I love you,' it's already a foregone conclusion.

“Okay,” he confirms with a nod. “You both have gone through hell for me and you've never once complained or bitched about how tired you were, even when I could tell you hadn't slept. In a way, it's easy for me in here. All I have to do is talk to a shrink and work on getting myself back on track. I don't have to work. I don't have bills. I can sleep whenever I want. This isn't real life. It's like a shelter, and I get to be selfish and indulgent while you both are working yourselves to death and making sacrifices just to make sure I don't have to think about anything.

“I mentioned once that the laundry soap they use here makes the clothes scratchy and from that point on, Kurt has been washing my clothes after working all day, and I know that Blaine pawned his watch for gas money. I know that I tell you every day that I love you, but I don't think that I've ever really told you just how much I appreciate every single thing that you've done and every sacrifice that you've made.

“I'm sure that, for every one I know about, there are at least two that I don't, and even though I hate that you've had to sacrifice anything for me, I have never felt as completely loved and cared for as I do now, because apparently, somewhere along the line, you decided that I was worth putting your lives on hold and sacrificing damn near everything for.”

He swallows thickly and there's determination in his eyes. “And I want you both to know that, were the situation somehow reversed, I would do the same for you in a heartbeat. I couldn't understand at first why you were putting yourselves out so much because of me, but then I asked myself what I would do if it was one of you in here, and I didn't even have to think about it, because I love you both more than I could ever tell say.

“And if you love me even half as much as I love you, then I get it--the every day visits, the sacrifices, the sleepless nights. It all makes sense because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'd do anything to make sure that both of you knew how precious you are to me and how much I love you and want you to be happy and safe and healthy.”

He takes a deep breath and rests his hand over Kurt and Blaine's joined hands. “So, I said all that to tell you this: I know that I have my bad days, but I just need you both to know that I'm fighting as hard as I can to get better, because I want us to get back to being us. I want us to start our life together.” His voice is earnest and fervent.

“I want New York and a shitty apartment. I want school and a minimum wage job that barely covers my share of the bills, because that is our dream, and that's what I'm fighting for. Every day it's getting easier to hold onto that. It reminds me who I am and why I shouldn't just give up when things get really bad.”

Blaine's entire body is trembling as he cries, and all he can manage is a breathy, “Seb...”

Kurt is slightly more composed but his voice is barely a whisper. “We're going to have that, baby.” He squeezes Sebastian's hand. “You are so strong and Blaine and I are so proud of you. And you're going to get better so that we can go starve to death in a cramped, freezing apartment in the most beautiful city in the world.”

Sebastian chokes out a watery laugh and pulls his boyfriends close, holding a bit too tight but absolutely perfect. “I love you both so much.”

And, in unison, Kurt and Blaine return, “We love you, too, Seb.”

\----------------

It's nearly agonizing to leave after such an emotional day, but inevitably, the time comes and they have to part ways. Nurse Dani looks the other way while they take an extra few minutes past the end of visiting hours (and then a few more minutes after that) to say goodbye, but eventually, they do have to leave.

They get just out of earshot before Kurt grabs Blaine's hand and drags them toward Dr. Harris' office. They catch the man just as he's about to lock up and go home, so Kurt starts quickly. “I didn't say anything to Seb because I wanted to talk to you first...”

Dr. Harris nods and politely inquires, “What can I do for you?”

Kurt takes a deep breath and says, “I'd like to request a weekend pass for Sebastian.”


	9. Chapter 9

Kurt and Blaine are hiding something. Of that, Sebastian is sure.

Blaine keeps playing with his fingers and Kurt's eyes keep straying toward the door as though he's waiting for something. Both look distracted. And while it's cute to see them both so inexplicably hopeful, it's starting to get on Sebastian's nerves to feel out of the loop.

He's about halfway through a sentence when he realizes he's lost their attentions again, so he rolls his eyes and finishes with, “...and that's when the aliens stole my milk money.”

He receives two noncommittal hums of acknowledgment.

Sebastian sighs and gives Kurt's shoulder a hard shove. “Hey, what in the hell is going on with you two today? You've barely said two words to me since you walked in the door. And you both have godawful poker faces.”

“Nothing's going on, sweetheart,” Blaine says with a too-easy smile and a pat on Sebastian's hand. But again, like Kurt's, Blaine's eyes flick expectantly toward the door and Sebastian sighs.

“Okay. Let's try this again,” he says with a smug smile. “I know you both better than you know yourselves therefore lying to me impossible, plus the fact that you're the worst liars on the planet. So, one more time: What is going on with you two today?”

Kurt and Blaine breathe a collective sigh and Sebastian knows he's won. Not that there was ever much doubt; Sebastian is a human lie detector. Sebastian cocks an eyebrow and waits, and after another sigh, Kurt admits, “We're waiting for the doctor.”

“What?” Sebastian asks, his voice rising a bit in surprise. “Why?”

“Well, we stopped by his office last night on our way out. And he said he'd get back to us today,” Kurt replies, voice tight with anxiety that Sebastian doesn't even pretend to understand.

He's just about to open his mouth to press the issue further when there's a sharp rap at the door. They look up in tandem just in time to see Dr. Harris peek in the door. “Hello, boys. May I come in?”

After a hum of agreement, the doctor crosses the room and sits down in the chair beside Sebastian's bed. “So, how are we today?”

“We're doing well,” Sebastian answers, feeling more tense by the second given the fact that he's pretty sure neither Kurt nor Blaine have taken a breath since the doctor came in the room. “A little anxious though,” he admits. He darts a look between the three and frowns. “Can someone please just tell me what's going on before I actually lose my mind. Again.”

Blaine shoots him a look and Kurt chokes out a laugh, but the doctor continues. “Well, Sebastian. Kurt and Blaine came to see me yesterday to ask about the possibility of giving you a weekend pass and after reviewing your chart, I see no reason not to grant you one.”

Sebastian chokes on a shocked breath. “What?”

“If you're willing, I'll grant you a pass for a weekend out of the hospital. A trial run of sorts. You can go home, spend some time with your boyfriends, and just have some fun. I'm sure you've passed the point of being stir-crazy months ago, so I'd imagine you'd like to get out and go somewhere that's not here,” Dr. Harris says easily, as though the words carry no more weight than a discussion of the weather, as though he's not actually granting Sebastian freedom.

“You're--You're serious,” Sebastian breathes, still more than a little shocked. “I can go home?”

The doctor nods. “Well, just temporarily for now, but if this goes well, which I see no reason it shouldn't, we can start thinking about something a little more permanent.” There's a warm smile on the doctor's face and Sebastian looks to the side to see tears rolling down Kurt's cheek and smiles himself. “Now, I just want to go over a few things with you first and then we can get the ball rolling, okay?”

Sebastian chokes out a laugh. “I will go along with anything you say if it gets me the hell out of here.”

“It's a wonder all this power doesn't go to my head,” the doctor laughs, opening a folder and handing them each an 'In Case of Emergency' fact sheet.

And Sebastian hopes that Kurt and Blaine are paying attention, because he can't hear anything over the excited rush of sound in his ears. He's going home.

\----------------

The ride back to the apartment is oddly silent, but the anxious energy pouring off Sebastian is loud enough to fill the void. He spends the entirety of the short trip practically vibrating with anxiety in the backseat of the car next to Blaine, who insisted on sitting beside him, and by the time they climb the stairs and Kurt unlocks and opens the door, the air between them is very nearly crackling with a complicated crush of emotions Kurt can't even begin to process.

Luckily, there's little need to dissect the emotions because in a split second, as Kurt tosses his keys on the counter, he hears a muted thud-woosh and turns just in time to recognize the sound as that of Blaine being shoved against the now-closed door before he hears the frantic rustling of fingers tugging at clothes.

He watches, struck dumb by the rush of blood away from his brain, as Sebastian's lips attach to Blaine's neck and his hips snap forward to grind feverishly against Blaine's, eliciting a small, desperate whine from the smaller boy as his fingers grip tightly to Sebastian's shoulders and he hangs on for dear life.

They're absolutely beautiful, Kurt thinks, breathless and awestruck. The way Sebastian's body completely covers Blaine's as he crowds him against the door, like they were tailor-made to fit together perfectly. Kurt had forgotten how seeing his boys together always takes his breath away.

When Sebastian turns, eyes nearly black with lust and wild need, Kurt realizes he voiced his thoughts.

In an instant, Sebastian has him pulled close, kissing his lips, chin, jaw--it doesn't seem to make any difference to him so long as his lips are touching Kurt--and he's rambling between wet presses of lips to skin.

“Missed you both so much. You can't even imagine,” he breathes, voice low and rough.

Kurt shushes him, resting a hand against the back of his hair. “It's okay. We're here now, baby. You're home.”

And those seem to be the magic words, because, with a high, desperately whining sound, Sebastian lunges forward and kisses Kurt again, full on the lips this time, before grabbing his boyfriends' hands and dragging them toward the bedroom, leaving a trail of mostly destroyed clothes in their wake.


	10. Chapter 10

The late afternoon sun is filtering through the curtains when Kurt wakes up, warm and fully content right where he is. He feels a soft kiss be pressed against his forehead. There's a sleepy smile playing on his lips as he opens his eyes, heart feeling full and happy when he meets Sebastian's warm gaze.

“Sorry, babe. I didn't mean to wake you up,” Sebastian apologizes, low and soft, and Kurt drifts pleasantly on the adoring gaze fixed on his face. There's silence for a beat before Sebastian whispers, “I took this for granted.”

“What?”

“You,” he says. “Blaine.” Quiet and thoughtful. “I forgot how beautiful you look while you're sleeping. How amazing it feels to fall asleep together like this and how much I love waking up next to you.”

Blaine nuzzles unconsciously at Sebastian's shoulder, his arm draped tight and protective around Sebastian's middle. Sebastian lets his fingers slide through Blaine's hair while Kurt reaches across to rest a hand on the warm, tan expanse of the smaller boy's back before offering, “He can't sleep very well without you.”

Sebastian ducks down to drop a kiss to his sleeping boyfriend's mess of curls. “I don't do so well without you two, either,” he admits. “Before I got put up in the Hotel California, I was staying with one or both of you pretty much every night. And then, in the blink of an eye, I was on my own, couldn't even call you during the night if I needed to talk. It sucks.”

He sighs and kisses the top of Kurt's hair. “I miss you,” he says, sighing. “I miss this.”

“I can't wait until you can come home where you belong.” Kurt rests his hand over Sebastian's heart.

“I can't wait to come home so we can start our lives together.” The words are so earnest and hopeful that Kurt feels his breath catch. Sebastian takes a breath. “But for now, I'm going to appreciate every second I can get of my freedom.” He smirks and kisses Kurt on the lips. “And nothing says 'freedom' quite like passing out cold after sex and waking up from the nap snuggled between the two most beautiful guys I've ever seen.”

Kurt laughs a bit too loudly as Sebastian kisses his cheek, smiling. “Let freedom ring.”

The laughter that rumbles through Sebastian's chest is enough to wake Blaine. He lifts his head and smiles sleepily up toward Sebastian. “Missed this,” he says, voice soft and slow with sleep.

Sebastian drops a kiss to the top of his messy curls. “I know, baby. Me too.” Blaine nuzzles closer as Sebastian wraps an arm around his shoulders. “But,” he drawls. “We can't just stay in bed all day. Let's go to Lima.”

“What on Earth for?” Kurt asks, voice pitched higher in confusion.

“There's just something I've got to do there.”

\---------------

“Sebastian, honey!” Carole is off the couch and across the room in a flash, reaching up to frame Sebastian's face. He leans down and lets her kiss his forehead, smiling warmly. “Kurt didn't tell us they released you or else I'd have planned something--”

“Carole, please,” Sebastian dismisses with a laugh before leaning forward to wrap the small woman up in a hug. “You don't have to do anything.” He pauses and grins before continuing. “And I haven't been released yet. I'm just out on good behavior for the weekend, so Kurt and Blaine decided to surprise you by bringing an unstable mental patient into your home.”

Carole throws her head back and laughs, smacking at Sebastian's shoulder. “Oh, please. I don't think there's ever been a stable person in this house. You'll fit right in.” She winks and pats his face before glancing at the clock and frowning. “God, I wish I would have known you three were coming. I'd have told Helen I couldn't take her to the doctor today. I could call her now and--”

There's a soft smile on Sebastian's face. “Carole, I'm nobody special. You don't have to change all your plans just because I'm here. Believe me, I'm just happy to spend a day in the company of people who don't think they're Teddy Roosevelt or sit on a couch petting a cat that isn't there.”

Carole kisses him again, an apologetic crease in her brow. “Are you sure, sweetheart?”

He smiles widely and helps Carole into her coat. “Go. I'm sure we'll still be here when you get back.”

“Okay,” she finally acquiesces, kissing each boy on the cheek. “Finn's upstairs and Burt's out in the garage.”

After another round of “Are you sure, because I could call and cancel...”, they finally manage to shove Carole out the door with a smile. Kurt laughs and pulls Blaine down on the couch. He reaches for Sebastian. “Sit?”

“Not yet, babe,” Sebastian says. “I need to go talk to Burt for a second. You and Blaine watch tv or something. I'll be right back.”

With a parting kiss to Kurt's cheek, Sebastian makes his way down the hall, pausing at the door to take a steadying breath, letting it out as he turns the knob and enters the garage. Burt is half-hidden by the hood of his truck as he works on the engine.

The door clicks shut behind Sebastian and Burt doesn't look up before saying, “Good, Finn, wanna hand me that socket wrench?”

A wide smile spreads across Sebastian's face as he picks the wrench up off the toolbox and offers it to Burt. The man looks up as he takes the wrench, doing a double take before a small smile touches his face.

Sebastian grins broadly and gestures to the wrench. “You should probably take it,” he jokes. “I'm pretty sure I'm not supposed to be holding blunt weapons. I might go psycho.”

“I'll take my chances,” Burt laughs, stepping back. “Let me take a look at you. You're thin as a rail, but you've always been a beanpole, so I guess you're alright.”

Sebastian breathes out a laugh as he's swept up in an unexpected hug. He relaxes into it, enveloped by the smell of motor oil and Dial soap.

It hits him suddenly that he doesn't remember the smell of his own father's cologne. He wonders if he's ever even been close enough to figure it out. It doesn't matter. Everything about Kurt's family has always felt more like home anyway. Felt like it was worth remembering.

Burt squeezes his shoulder. “It's damn good to see you, kid. How ya feelin'?”

“Much better,” Sebastian answers with a smile and a dismissive shrug. It's the truth. “It was pretty touch-and-go for awhile, but I feel good now,” he admits, scuffing his shoe on the garage floor before looking back up toward Burt. “Thanks in no small part to Kurt and Blaine.” He takes in a breath. “Which is why I'm here.”

He slides his hands into his pockets and watches his foot kick at the concrete of the floor. “I know that I've pretty much made life a nightmare around here these last few months--” Burt tries to protest, but Sebastian holds up a hand and looks up to meet the man's eyes. “Let me finish. I'm not here to fish for sympathy or apologize, but I really need to thank you for everything you've done for Kurt and Blaine--especially Blaine--since I've been locked up.

“You've always been like a father to Blaine and I, but it still amazes me the lengths you'll go to for us. I know they couldn't have funded their daily trips to see me all on their own, and I know that taking in another kid isn't cheap--also considering the primary reason he got kicked out is me--I know I owe you a lot more than just a 'thank you'.”

“You don't owe me anything,” Burt says firmly. “Kid, if you think I'm gonna stand here and let you thank me for giving you and Blaine things that your own damn parents should have given you without even thinkin' about it, you've got another thing comin'.”

Burt reaches out and grabs Sebastian's shoulder. “Now you listen to me, you're going to go in the house, sit on the couch, and eat all my damn food while the three of you hog the tv, because that's what kids are supposed to do. Kurt is going to continue to bleed my wallet dry on crap I don't understand, Blaine is going to keep the bathroom radio cranked way too early in the morning and make me want to strangle him, and you--” He pokes a finger in Sebastian's chest.

“You are going to continue to lie to me about how things in Kurt's bedroom keep getting broken.” Sebastian flushes and breathes out a laugh. “And do you know why?”

Sebastian shakes his head. “Why?”

“Because you're kids, and it's got to be someone's job to make sure you've got everything you need. And, God help me, I love you and the other one, so I guess it falls on me.” Burt grins before laughing when he sees Sebastian's overly bright eyes. He shoves at Sebastian's shoulder. “And the fact that you're thanking me for any of that is actually making me nervous. It's unnatural.”

Sebastian laughs quietly and Burt shoves him again. “Now get the hell out of here. Go break a lamp or drink the milk right out of the carton or something.” He claps Sebastian on the back as he shoves him back toward the door. “Hey, Sebastian?” Sebastian turns back to see a warm smile on Burt's face. “I'm damn glad to see ya.”

With a wide smile, Sebastian turns back toward the door and heads back inside the house that's always felt like a home. His home.

\----------------

The rest of the afternoon passes with little incident. It's not until Finn's migrated downstairs with his Playstation, playing his third “That's not fair, the light was in my eyes” Mario Kart rematch with Blaine, that anything noteworthy happens.

Kurt combs his fingers absentmindedly through Sebastian's hair, reading a magazine while Finn and Blaine play Playstation and Sebastian dozes with his head on Kurt's leg. He feels the change in Sebastian before he actually sees it. Sebastian's energy goes from relaxed to anxious, so Kurt glances down to see him staring at the screen with rapt attention. Kurt scratches his fingers into sandy blond hair to get the boy's attention. “Honey?”

Soft green eyes meet Kurt's, curious. He speaks in a shy whisper. “What are they doing, Kurt?”

Kurt answers just as softly as not to call Finn's attention. Blaine glances over, brow creasing slightly, but turns back when he sees that Kurt's got the situation in hand. “They're playing a game, and I'm sure if you asked nicely, they'd let you play, too.” He says the words with deliberate volume to draw Blaine's attention.

Uncertainty crosses Skylar's face. “I don't know him--” He gestures shyly toward Finn as he sits up.

“That's Kurt's brother,” Blaine says, pausing the game. Finn looks up in confusion, but Blaine continues anyway, coming to sit near Skylar. “His name is Finn and I think you two will get along very well.”

Kurt stifles a laugh and clears his throat, looking toward Finn with pleading eyes. “Finn, this is Skylar. He's eight years old.” Skylar ducks into the crook of Blaine's neck. “No,” Kurt chides gently, turning the alter by his shoulders to face Finn who, as expected, looks thoroughly freaked out. “If you want to play Finn's game, you have to ask him.”

Skylar squares his shoulders but leans closer to Blaine. His words pour out in a comical rush. “FinncanIplaywithyouandBlaine?”

“Uh...Yeah,” Finn says, hesitating. “Sure, Skylar...”

A proud, beaming smile lights up Skylar's face and Blaine kisses him on the head as he hands him a controller and shows him the buttons. Finn stands up awkwardly and hands his own controller to Blaine. “I'm--uh--I'm going to see if there's anything to eat. You two go ahead.”

Once Finn makes his equally awkward exit, Skylar turns to Kurt, worrying his lip. “I didn't mean to make him mad, Kurt. He can play, too. We can take turns and stuff. I'll share, I promise. Ask Blaine, I'm real good at sharing...”

Blaine looks at a loss for what to say. Kurt rests a hand on the alter's shoulder. “Honey, he's not mad,” Kurt soothes. “I'll go talk to him, okay?”

Skylar tries a small smile. “Okay, Kurt.” Blaine shifts closer as Kurt stands up to leave and nods. Skylar seems to relax a bit. “Thank you.”

“You're welcome, sweetheart,” Kurt answers, kissing the top of the alter's hair before heading toward the kitchen to find Finn leaning against the counter, staring out the window. “It's a lot, I know.”

When Finn turns toward him, Kurt is shocked to see tears in his eyes, He crosses the kitchen in a flash and puts his hand on his brother's shoulder. “Finn, what's wrong?”

“His head's really busted, isn't it?” is all Finn says, voice thick and uncharacteristically quiet. “His mom and dad did that?”

Kurt sighs sadly. “I'm sure they didn't help.”

“I-I just don't understand. He never seemed broken before.”

“He's not broken now. He never was. Everyone deals with stress and abuse differently, but he's doing so much better now.”

“I just can't imagine how bad his life had to be in order to have to do that though.”

“I don't think I want to know,” Kurt admits. “What I've heard is just unthinkable and to imagine him going through any of it makes me want to cry. I'm so proud of him for everything he's done and I can't imagine how hard this is for him--not that he'd tell me--but I know that he's going to be okay, because he's the strongest person I've ever met. So, if I have to learn to love my boyfriend as four different people, I can do that. Because I love him and he continues to amaze me every single day.”

Finn nods silently, waiting a beat before offering, “I'm real proud of him, too.” Kurt smiles at the words and Finn lets out a breath, rubbing at the back of his neck. “How should I--”

“Just treat Skylar like you're talking to a kid. If any of the others come out, you might have to reintroduce yourself, but I don't think they will. Skylar loves games, so I was kind of expecting him to make an appearance. He's a good kid.” Kurt grins broadly. “Plus, it'll probably be the only time you'll ever be able to beat Seb at anything.”

Finn breathes out a laugh and claps Kurt on the shoulder. “But he's--he's good, right? Mostly, I mean.”

“Yeah, Finn. He's good.” Warmth spreads through Kurt's chest. At least now Sebastian has a family who cares about him. Finn nods to himself and heads toward the living room. Kurt wipes his eyes before following.

He makes it into the room just in time to hear the front door slam shut, his father appearing around the corner, irate. “Finn, dammit! I told you that when you finish with the tools at the shop, you put 'em back where they belong or else they get broken!”

Burt slams down the remnants of a broken meter on the coffee table before Kurt can stop him. The noise and action is enough to make Skylar cover his ears and bold from the room. Blaine shoots Kurt a pleading glance before chasing after the fleeing boy.

“Dad!” Kurt cuts in, his voice loud and bracing in the now silence of the room. “You can't do that around him. That wasn't Seb.”

“Oh.” Burt freezes, his eyes darting toward where the two boys ran to, gesturing absently. “That was one of his other personalities?”

“Yes,” Kurt breathes, rubbing at his tired eyes. “And you just scared the hell out of him.”


	11. Chapter 11

By the time Blaine catches up with Skylar, the alter has already found a hiding place in the pantry off the kitchen. The door is closed but Blaine can hear the muffled sound of crying coming from inside.

"Skylar?" He calls out, gentle and calm. The crying stops immediately, as though the alter has clapped a hand over his mouth to avoid detection. The thought makes Blaine's heart break a little but he continues anyway. "Honey, it's just me." He raps softly on the door. "Will you open the door, please?"

There's a small sniffle and a beat of hesitation before the handle turns and the door creaks open just a crack, just enough to see Skylar flash back into the far corner again. Blaine opens a bit wider and sits down on the floor.

“Why'd you run, Skylar?”

Skylar's small voice trembles, partially muffled by his hands half-hiding his face. “Scared.” Blaine reaches in and takes the alter's hands. When he speaks again, his voice is no longer muffled but still just as shaky. “The man was yelling at Finn and I got scared.”

Blaine squeezes the alter's hands. “Sweetheart, you don't have to be scared of him. Do you know who he is?” Skylar shakes his head. “That's Kurt's dad. His name is Burt and he's the nicest man I've ever met. He's like a dad to Sebastian and I, too, and I know that if you tell him who you are, he's going to love you just like he loves Seb.”

Uncertainty and fear are plain as day on Skylar's tense face but Blaine presses on. “Will you meet him?” The words are met with charged, nervous silence. “Did you know that when Kurt was your age, he lost his mom?”

Shock flickers across Skylar's countenance at the sudden turn. “Lost her? Where'd she go?”

“She died,” Blaine answers, slow and quiet. “She was really sick--”

“Like Matthew?” Skylar wonders, curiosity winning out over his nervousness.

Blaine's mouth twitches down at the corner. “Sort of. She was sick for awhile and then she went to sleep and didn't wake up. And it hurt Kurt so bad to lose his mom like that, so he was sad a lot--”

“I don't want Kurt to be sad,” Skylar says, wide-eyed and earnest, shaking his head.

Blaine gives him a small smile. “He's okay now, honey.”

“Good.” The alter nods once and Blaine squeezes his hand.

“But,” Blaine continues, “When he was little, he was sat because he missed her, and whenever Kurt was sad, Burt used to stop what he was doing and he'd put on Mary Poppins because it always made Kurt feel better.”

Skylar's eyes are cast to his lap, shy and thoughtful. “That was nice of him.”

“He's a _nice_ person. They'd watch Mary Poppins and when Kurt was ready to say what was on his mind, Burt would always be there to listen.”

A choked, shaky voice from behind him makes Blaine turn to find Kurt standing in the doorway a half-step ahead of Burt. Kurt's hand comes to cover his mouth, tears sliding freely down his face. “I can't believe you remember that,” he whispers, coming to kneel next to Blaine. “I told you that _years_ ago.”

He frames Blaine's face with his hands and kisses him lush and full on the lips. “I love you so much, Blaine.”

Blaine smiles as Kurt kisses him again. “Love you, too, Kurt.”

A socked foot collides with Blaine's knee. He looks up to find Skylar's face scrunched in distaste and he can't help but laugh. “Sorry, buddy,” Blaine apologizes, smiling. He clears his throat and his expression is a bit more serious. “So, will you meet Kurt's dad? We'll be right here.”

Skylar worries his lip for a moment, debating, before he finally nods. “Okay.”

“Okay,” Blaine echoes, doing a half turn to face Burt and nodding, gesturing the man over. He shifts to the side and opens the door the rest of the way. Kurt sits next to Skylar as Burt kneels down.

“Hey, buddy,” Burt starts, not the least bit awkward. “I'm Burt. It's good to meet ya.” Skylar flushes and glues his eyes to his pulled-up knees. “You don't need to be shy around me. I ain't that scary am I? Ever seen Kurt mad? He's scarier than me.”

A small smile threatens to lift Skylar's lips and Kurt and Blaine breathe a collective sigh of relief.

Burt carries on, undeterred. “Now I don't know much about you apart from the fact that you look like Sebastian--”

“I don't,” Skylar interrupts, timidly meeting Burt's eyes for the first time. “Seb is all grown up. I'm just a kid. We look way different.”

“How many of you are there?” Burt wonders.

“Four. There's me. Travis. Sebastian,” he ticks off on his fingers, “And the one who won't tell me is name. I don't like him. He yells a lot.”

“Yells at _you_?” Burt asks, concerned.

“Sometimes. Mostly, Seb, though.”

Blaine breaks in. “Skylar, will you come out and sit with us?” Skylar nods and reaches for Blaine's hand.

“Do you know when Sebastian will come back?” Burt asks Kurt in an aside as Blaine helps Skylar to his feet and leads him toward the doorway.

“Well, he's been under a lot of stress today and that's normally when an alter--usually Skylar--comes out. It helps him cope. Skylar is usually really cooperative with us in terms of bringing Seb back out, but it's easier for Seb when he comes back if he's in a more _neutral_ sort of place,” Kurt explains. It's the first time he's ever really had to verbalize an explanation.

The living room is empty when they all file in, Skylar dropping down between Kurt and Blaine. Burt watches from his chair. Kurt's the one to speak. He takes Skylar's hand. “Skylar, do you think we could have Seb now, please?”

Skylar nods and closes his eyes. It takes less than a second for Sebastian's eyes to flutter open and scan the room. He takes a breath. “Well, I'm assuming that since we in full-on 'family meeting' mode and Finn is nowhere to be found, it was pretty bad.”

Blaine shrugs and nods. “About what we expected.”

“Skylar?”

“Yeah. Burt yelled at Finn and Skylar bolted, but it's okay,” Blaine returns. “We got it straightened out.”

Sebastian's brow creases and he rubs at the back of his neck as he shifts toward Burt. “I'm sorry for--”

Burt holds up a hand and shakes his head. “Don't you dare, kid.” Burt's tone is final. “Now, Carole called a few minutes ago. She's on her way home with pizza. You three go set the table and get Finn while I get cleaned up.”

He claps Sebastian on the shoulder as he leaves and for a reason he can't quite put his finger on, Sebastian feels warmth flood through his chest and a catch in his throat. Kurt squeezes his hand.

\----------------

After the dishes from dinner are all cleared away, Finn and Blaine disappear into the living room to pick a movie. Carole smiles as they go and gives Kurt and Sebastian a kiss on the cheek.

“Sorry, boys. Early shift tomorrow,” she apologizes with a small smile. She reaches up to frame Sebastian's face. “It has been _so_ good to see you, sweetheart.”

Sebastian just smiles as she kisses his cheek again and heads to bed, leaving Kurt and Sebastian standing with Burt in the kitchen. “So, should we go see what train wreck of a movie those two picked?” Burt asks with a grin.

It takes less than fifteen minutes of the Michael Bay monstrosity of Blaine's choosing before Kurt is out cold against Blaine's side and Finn has eaten the whole bowl of popcorn and they have to pause the movie so Finn can go get a handful of cookies.

“Hold on,” Sebastian whispers, easing himself off the couch and grabbing his and Blaine's empty soda cans. “I'll come too.”

They both blink against the bracing brightness when Finn flicks on the kitchen light. They work in silence until Finn speaks, slow and hesitant. “Hey, Sebastian?”

Sebastian doesn't turn from where he's getting two more Cokes from the refrigerator. “Yeah?”

“What's it like?”

Sebastian turns then to find Finn leaning against the counter watching him. “What's _what_ like? Being plural?”

“Huh?” Finn's whole face screws up in confusion. “No, I meant having more than one person in your head.”

“Finn, that's actually the definition of pl--” He stops at Finn's vacant expression, a small smirk on his face. “Nevermind. I don't really know how to describe it.” He laughs once. “It's sort of like being trapped in a car with three other people who all want to drive.”

Silence reigns for a beat too long before Finn, in all his deep, insightful eloquence, says, “That's gotta suck, huh?”

And Sebastian can't help but laugh and with a wide grin answer, “I'll live.”

\----------------

Blaine and Sebastian wake Kurt up just long enough to wrangle him to the car. He lays down across the backseat, passes out, and sleeps all the way back to Columbus. They don't even turn on any lights when they get home, just a half-asleep stumble down the dark hallway before collapsing into the unmade bed, clothes magically shed on the way.

\----------------

There's a moment of ice cold panic when Blaine rolls over at 3:00 A.M. to find Sebastian missing. He almost wakes Kurt up but catches himself at the last second and takes a breath, sitting up and running a hand through his hair. It's then that he notices the yellow cast of lamplight under the door. He slides out of bed as carefully as he can and sneaks out of the room.

He makes it to the end of the hallway before he sees Sebastian hunched over on the couch, a small tremble in his shoulders. Sebastian is so preoccupied with the journal in his lap that he doesn't hear Blaine until he's right beside the couch.

“Seb?”

Sebastian jumps and jerks his head toward Blaine. There's emotion in his eyes that colors his voice. “Hey, baby,” he tries casually. He holds up his arm and lets Blaine settle into his side before clearing his throat and tries again to push away the darkness in his tone. “What are you doing up?”

Blaine isn't fooled. “I could ask you the same thing. What's the matter?”

“I think X gave me a memory and I had to write it down.”

There's a shocked crack in Blaine's voice and it comes out bit too loud for 3:00 A.M. “X shared a memory?”

Sebastian's face screws up in concern, but there's a kind of detachment in his voice. “I never knew my dad hit me. I know he hates me and is an asshole, but I never knew he _hit_ me. I'd wake up with bruises and stuff. I thought I'd been sleepwalking or something, but it was him. He used to beat the hell out of me.”

“And X...?”

“Used to be the one who took it.” Sebastian takes a deep breath and blows it out. He shakes his head. “God, no wonder he's so fucking angry.”

Blaine is speechless so he just squeezes Sebastian's hand and rests his head on his boyfriend's shoulder. Sebastian presses an absent kiss to Blaine's hair and pats his thigh.

“Why don't you go back to bed, baby? I'll be there in a minute.”

Blaine nods and kisses Sebastian on the lips before standing up. “Don't stay up too late.”

“I'll be right behind you, I promise.”

One more kiss and Blaine goes to bed. Sebastian waits until he hears the click of the bedroom door closing before turning to a fresh page in the journal and writing, _“I'm so sorry.”_

He stows the journal back in his bag and shuts off the light before going to join his boyfriends in bed.

When he checks the journal again the next day, there's a single sentence written in red on the page.

_ “It's not your fault.” _


	12. Chapter 12

Sebastian is sure that he should feel some pang of remorse for not wanting to go out and celebrate his freedom by wandering through the city and feeling at one with the hoards of people buzzing around on a Saturday afternoon, but he's starting to realize that he actually just never wants to leave their apartment again.

He does manage to walk down to the Chinese food place on the corner with Kurt to pick up their dinner. They eat out of the cartons and leave them lying empty on the coffee table when they're finished because they realize that it's been over an hour since the last time they were naked together and rush to fix that.

They watch a movie curled up together on the bed with popcorn and candy and Kurt laughs while he bitches about going to the bathroom and coming back to find M&M's all over the bed as a result of a mini-war between Blaine and Sebastian, but then they both throw one at Kurt's head and he laughs again as he rolls his eyes and climbs back into bed.

They make love again and fall asleep.

Sunday, unsurprisingly, goes about the same. Only with less clothes and frozen pizza thrown in the oven for dinner.

By the time night rolls around, they're completely back into step with each other. It's like the past few months have been a bad dream, like they haven't missed a beat. Kurt cleans up the living room while Blaine and Sebastian clean up the dishes from dinner, and it's almost easy to push aside the fact that Sebastian has to go back to the hospital tomorrow when everything seems so normal now. It's easy to overlook the fact that Blaine has to work in the morning tomorrow, Kurt has to go in around 1:00, and Sebastian has to be back at the hospital by 9:00.

When they go to bed this time, there's no urgency, just the overwhelming need to be as close as possible for as long as possible. There's no making up for lost time, only reverent touches that promise that it won't be so long before the next time. It's an _I missed you_ and an _I need you_ and an _I love you_ that runs deeper than words could ever reach, and when they settle, boneless and sated, onto the bed, there are tears in Blaine's eyes and he rests his hand over Sebastian's heart as though the rhythm its beating is the only thing keeping _him_ alive.

Kurt shifts closer and presses flush against his side, breathing out a sigh of pure relief as he rests his head on Sebastian's shoulder. He stays awake until he can hear Sebastian and Blaine's tandem breaths even out into sleep and falls asleep to the steady rise and fall of Sebastian's chest.

\---------------

Blaine is gone by the time the alarm blares for Kurt and Sebastian to get up. They take too long showering together and have to throw all of Sebastian's clothes haphazardly into his duffel bag before rushing to the car to make their meeting with Dr. Harris to give a complete report on Sebastian's “mental state” over the weekend he spent outside of the hospital.

Kurt had apparently logged all of his switches into a notebook along with anything noteworthy that happened while the alter was out. Sebastian's not sure whether or not he should be pissed off that Kurt had been keeping a record of his actions as though he's a science project so he settles for just shooting Kurt a dirty look and rolling his eyes.

He's really not that upset. He still got to spend the entire weekend with his boyfriends, so he's pretty sure he came out ahead in the end.

The doctor nods along and occasionally jots things down on his notepad. Eventually, he sets the paper down on his lap and gives Sebastian a small smile. “How did you feel, Sebastian?”

“Honestly?”

The doctor hums out an affirmation, still smiling.

“Being able to be with Kurt and Blaine again, being able to _live_ again _,_ was amazing. It was like, even though I switched and had a nightmare, I _felt_ like I was getting better there,” he admits freely.

And it's true. Being in the hospital was necessary. There was a time when he was a danger to himself, he's willing to admit that. Things were dark for months: depression, panic attacks, rapid switching, and almost bi-monthly trips to the emergency room via ambulance. He couldn't have been home. If he'd tried to be on his own, he'd have been dead a long time ago.

So, the hospital, while bleak and monotonous, was a necessary evil then. But things are different now. He can feel it.

“For the first time in months,” he continues, “I actually felt like a human being again. I got up, went out and did things, visited people. I cooked dinner and watched movies with my boyfriends. It reminded me what _normal_ is. And I want normal again. I can _do_ normal again.”

The understanding smile remains on the doctor's face and he taps the end of his pen against the notepad. “I believe you can too, Sebastian. Which is why I'd like to work on discharging you on Friday.”

All the air leaves both Kurt and Sebastian in a rush and the doctor laughs at the “Really?!” the two gasp out in unison.

He nods. “I've been reviewing your file and I'm confident that you are no longer a danger to yourself or others, that you know what your triggers are and how to avoid them, and you're going to be living with very supportive boyfriends who know what to do in case of an emergency. I see no reason to keep you here when you'd clearly benefit more from outpatient care as opposed to inpatient.”

Tears are threatening to fall from Sebastian's eyes and he looks over to see that Kurt is in the same state. He reaches for Kurt's hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze before speaking. He has so many questions, but the only thing he manages to ask is, “Friday?”

“Yes,” the doctor says, sobering a little as his air of professional calm returns. “I'd still like you to keep the appointments we have for this week. Tomorrow is your first hypnotherapy session and then I'd like to see you for full sessions on Wednesday and Thursday.”

Sebastian looks down, shifting in discomfort. He feels Kurt squeeze _his_ hand in reassurance this time. “Right,” he mumbles, looking down at his feet. “I think I tried to forget about that.”

“Sebastian, you have nothing to be afraid of,” Dr. Harris offers. “Hypnosis has proven time and time again to be beneficial to stimulating memory recovery and merging of alters.”

Yeah...that's not what he's worried about. Sebastian looks up to meet the doctor's gaze and shifts again. Luckily, Kurt can read the tension and discomfort radiating from his boyfriend and can guess the source.

“Dr. Harris, I think that Sebastian is just concerned about the _nature_ of the memories that will surface when he's under hypnosis and the reaction he might have.”

Sebastian almost smiles, because he's struck again by the knowledge that no one will ever know him better than Kurt Hummel. Somehow, Kurt can read his thoughts based solely on body posture and speculation. Because Kurt's “concerned about the reaction he might have...” is just polite Kurt-speak for: _Sebastian is afraid he's going to flip the fuck out on the couch and end up stuck in the hospital for another six months._

The doctor must get the subtext behind the words because he nods again. “Well, the hypnosis will be performed in a controlled setting in case something should go wrong, but it's hardly wise to speculate about what reaction Sebastian might have to the procedure. I can assure you both, however, that it is entirely safe and that, good or bad, any memories that Sebastian may recover while under hypnosis will ultimately serve to speed his recovery process.”

Kurt takes a deep breath and turns his head toward Sebastian, eyes searching for something on Sebastian's face. He turns to face Kurt and meets his eyes, concerned and impossibly blue in the brightness of the room, and even though Sebastian is having serious doubts about tomorrow, he gives Kurt a small smile. He knows that Kurt isn't fooled but he smiles back anyway and flips their hands to lace their fingers together.

“Well,” Dr. Harris says in a conclusive tone. “I think that's all for today. I'll let you go back to your room and get settled back in.” He taps the end of the pen on the notepad again and stands up in a prompt for Sebastian to do the same.

When the door shuts, Kurt rests a hand on Sebastian's shoulder and when Sebastian turns toward him, he's staggered by the determination burning in his blue eyes. “You listen to me, Sebastian Smythe,” he states, pointing his finger in Sebastian's face. “You are going to do this, and at the end of this week you are _going_ to come home to Blaine and I if I have to break in here and drag you out myself. Do you understand?”

Sebastian barks out a laugh at Kurt's false authority and nods. “Yes, sir.”

Kurt drops the mask and his expression melts into something more familiar and loved. “You can do this, Seb. I know you can.” He leans in and wraps Sebastian in a hug. “I just want you home where you belong.”

“I want to come home, too,” Sebastian says into the side of Kurt's neck, turning his head and pressing a kiss there before stepping out of the hug. “I don't want to do the hypnosis thing--it seems stupid to me. And honestly, I'm kind of scared...”

“I know, honey,” Kurt soothes, taking Sebastian's hand and leading the way back to his room. “But I've read about it and from everything I've read, it really does help. I know you don't like the idea of people screwing with your head, but that's not what happens. It just makes you relaxed and open to accessing memories you've locked away somewhere.”

God, Kurt always knows exactly how to explain things. It's definitely at the bottom of the list of things Sebastian ever wants to do, but Kurt's confidence puts him a little more at ease. He's sure that if Kurt had any doubts at all, he'd put a stop to the procedure. He heard secondhand from Blaine how Kurt very nearly ripped his last doctor's face off after a mix up with the dosage of his meds.

Sebastian steps inside his room and drops down heavily on the bed next to his duffel bag, huffing out an impatient sigh. “God, I don't want to stay here.”

The look on Kurt's face shifts to soft empathy and he comes to sit on Sebastian's lap. “Just a few more days and you'll be home.”

Now that there's a light at the end of the tunnel, _a few days_ has never seemed longer. He sighs and wraps his arms around Kurt's waist, presses a kiss to his boyfriend's clothed shoulder, and repeats, “Just a few days.”

He can do this.

\---------------

“Are you comfortable?” The doctor's voice is soft, calm and measured in a way that's clearly meant to be relaxing. It's neutral and deliberately boring, and for some reason, it serves to put Sebastian further on edge, but Dr. Harris is waiting for an answer so he lies.

“Yeah.” He matches the man's monotone and does his best to relax, tries to imagine himself stretched out on the couch of their apartment, imagines hearing Kurt humming nearby as he sketches out a new outfit, imagines the steady, grounding white noise of Blaine somewhere close. It works, and when the doctor asks if he's ready to begin, he's able to say yes and mostly mean it.

He hears the beep of the video recorder and a quiet shuffle of papers as the doctor resituates himself in his chair, settling in. “Okay, then let's begin,” he says in the same unsettlingly calm voice. “I'm going to count back from ten and when I get to zero, you're going to fall asleep. Focus on my voice.”

_Ten...Nine...Eight...Seven...Six...Five...Four...Three...Two...One...Zero..._

Sebastian falls asleep.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All of this has been reposted from ff.net. As I listed in the tags, this story is on an indefinite hiatus (like Firefly). As of now, I'm not entirely sure how to proceed. There is a chance that this will be finished in some fashion or another, but I'm just not sure when.

When Sebastian wakes up, he's nauseous and groggy, knows from experience that it means he was drugged. The deep muscle ache in his thigh serves as further proof. There's pressure on his hand, a thumb soothing over his knuckles, too warm to belong to Kurt. Must be Blaine then.

He drags his eyes open and tries to blink away the disorientation of closing his eyes in a bright, sunlit office and reopening them to dim twilight in his hospital room. Still half0asleep, he thinks idly that he should be used to losing chunks of time like this.

“Seb?”

Definitely Blaine.

The worry/relief in his voice is enough to slap away the last of the fog of sleep.

“Yeah, baby,” Sebastian tries and winces at the way the words scratch his inexplicably hoarse throat. He squeezes Blaine's hand in a plan B attempt to soothe away the anxious crease from his boyfriend's brow.

It doesn't seem to work and Blaine stays tense and nervous, so Sebastian moves to sit up, immediately regretting the action when every muscle screams in protest. Apparently he'd been hit by a train while he was unconscious. He keeps the pain from showing on his face and settles against the pillows.

Blaine pats his leg and reaches over to take a paper cup from the nightstand. “Here, honey.” His voice is soft and nervous. Sebastian wishes he knew why. Instead, he takes the offered cup and lets Blaine regard him carefully.

He takes a drink and the water feels like a cool miracle on his throat so he downs it. The action elicits a small breath of a laugh from Blaine. Sebastian's eyes drift to his face, find it slightly more relieved than worried, and offers a hesitant smile when he lowers the cup before trying his voice again with quiet but not nearly as painful sounding, “Thank you.”

Blaine gives him a real smile at that and pats his hand again. He feels a little babied and wants Blaine to stop treating him like an invalid but says nothing. He knows it's just how Blaine shows sympathy, knows that Blaine really just wants to make everything okay again in the best way he knows how. And Blaine is smiling now, looking more relieved by the second to have Sebastian awake and talking, so Sebastian just lets it go.

“More water?” he asks. Sebastian hands him the cup automatically, distracted by watching the dim lights of the room play on Blaine's face.

“You're really amazing, you know that?” Blaine turns around at the sound of his voice, smiling warmly before huffing out a laugh.

“They drugged you good, didn't they?” It's a dismissive joke but Blaine's eyes are soft and have lost all the sadness they held before so Sebastian counts it as a win. Blaine presses a kiss to his forehead and hands him another cup of water.

Sebastian takes the cup but doesn't drink right away, watching Blaine instead. He smiles and laces their fingers together. “I mean it,” he says quietly. He's not sure the words will come out right, but he tries anyway. “You're amazing, Blaine.” He wants to tell Blaine that he's lucky and thankful for him and that he loves him, but he can't quite find the right words without bordering on maudlin, so he leans over, ignoring the stabbing pain in his shoulder, and kisses Blaine on the lips.

From the dazed expression on Blaine's face when he pulls away, he thinks Blaine understands.

He takes a drink of water, less urgent this time, and glances around. “Where's Kurt?”

“He had to work. Some idiot got drunk and decided he wanted to take a bath. Apparently, he started running the water and passed out on the couch. Flooded the bathroom, the hall, and the kitchen.”

The idea of Kurt having to clean up after anyone makes Sebastian's skin crawl. Kurt should be the one being catered to. Blaine sighs and rolls his eyes, clearly following the same train of thought as Sebastian. “He called me when he got in there. The guy completely trashed the place.”

Not for the first time, guilt washes over Sebastian. The image of Kurt cleaning up some drunk asshole's mess actually makes him a little sick and knowing that it's his fault that Kurt has to do it in the first place makes him _a lot sick_ so he tries to push it aside. It's not his fault, not really. He takes comfort in the knowledge that, were the situation reversed, he'd do whatever it took to make sure that Kurt was well taken care of and content.

He promises himself he'll make up for it somehow.

Blaine must see his far-away expression because he squeezes his hand and Sebastian comes back to the present to find a slightly amused look on his boyfriend's face. He offers a small smile in return and tries to change the subject. “How long were you just sitting vigil by my bedside?” he asks, trying for light but coming out a bit too serious. He mentally kicks himself when the tension returns to Blaine's shoulders.

“Not too long,” Blaine hedges. He's a terrible liar. Sebastian just looks at him until he shifts and takes a breath. “A few hours. What do you remember?”

Damn it. In Sebastian's experience, nothing good ever starts with, _“How much do you remember?”_

Because _How much do you remember?_ is code for: “How much do you remember so that I know how much I can sugar coat the fact that something really fucking awful just happened and pretend that everything is fine?”

Sebastian fakes a smile, tilts his head, and says, “You first.”

“It's been worse,” Blaine says by way of explanation accompanied by his best attempt at a flippant shrug. It works. It tells Sebastian pretty much all he needs to know.

He's woken up screaming and shaking and crying, clawing at his skin in a manic attempt to make the pain stop, anything to silence the screaming inside his head.

“They drugged me?” It's not really a question. He's not surprised when Blaine nods and offers him a nod in return. “Thought so.”

They lapse into silence, Blaine's thumb sliding over his knuckles the only real measure of time. The sun has completely set and it must be getting close to the end of visiting hours. Blaine is going to have to leave soon, probably going home to an empty apartment. He opens his arms. “Come here.”

Blaine looks up and smiles softly before climbing onto the bed and Sebastian wraps him up in his arms and presses a kiss to his hair. He hates that he waited so long to do this because all the tension immediately bled from Blaine's body at the contact. He kisses his hair again, breathes in the familiar scent of apple shampoo and Blaine and exhales, “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Blaine returns, quiet and subdued; he's exhausted. Sebastian tightens his hold and lets Blaine lean further into his side. He hopes that, if he's quiet, maybe Blaine can sleep for a little bit in his arms before he has to go home. He starts to hum softly in an attempt to tip the odds in his favor. It works. Blaine's breathing evens out in sleep and Sebastian finally lets himself relax completely.

He smiles at the quiet snuffling of Blaine nuzzling closer to his neck and watches the steady rise and fall of his chest. Sebastian is sure the white noise of Blaine breathing does more to calm him than any medicine the doctor could ever give him.

So many times he's wanted to give up. Just let his own fucked up head kill him like it wanted to. So many nights he'd lie awake and wonder if it'd be his last night. On the worst nights, he caught himself hoping that it would be, and slowly found himself being increasingly okay with the thought that it _could_ be.

But this--Blaine in his arms, warm, trusting, loving, and alive--Sebastian thinks, _this_ is what makes it worth it. All of the pain and the fighting and the screaming is worth it because Kurt and Blaine believe that it is. They believe in him. And he believes in them.

If nothing else, he believes in Kurt and Blaine. The one _good_ in a seemingly endless world of bad. Through all the darkness, they were the fixed point of light to run toward. At first, it was just _them_. He couldn't let them down. But eventually, the picture widened. It wasn't just _Kurt and Blaine_ anymore, it was their life _together_ , the life he wanted to have with them. It was Kurt and Blaine and New York and NYU and that damn fountain that Kurt saw in Central Park when he was there that he swore he and Blaine would love.

How can he thank them for saving his life? How can he thank them for giving him hope when he was half a step away from giving up? What could he possibly say? He's pretty sure “Thanks, guys!” isn't going to cut it.

He presses a kiss to Blaine's temple and settles closer into the warmth of his sleeping body with a sigh. “I love you so much, Blaine.” It's a breath. A promise. He tightens his arm around, pulling Blaine closer to his side, and closes his eyes, content for just that moment.


End file.
